


Taboos : The First Job

by inklover



Series: Taboos [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Difference, Anxiety, Babysitting, Children's Underwear, Cowboy Hats, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Kids, Dialogue Heavy, Exhibitionism, F/M, Forbidden Love, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Inner Dialogue, Intimacy, Lolicon, Nudity, Panties, Partial Nudity, Pedophilia, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Public Nudity, Romantic Comedy, Sex Education, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Sharing a Bed, Skinny Dipping, Slow Burn, Smut, Underage - Freeform, Underage Kissing, Underage Relationship(s), Underwear Kink, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, casual nudity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:20:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28238340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inklover/pseuds/inklover
Summary: A teen boy looking for cash gets an offer to babysit the rambunctious daughter of a wealthy family for a weekend, hijinks ensue. However, an unlikely bond begins to form.*Original Title - Taboos : A Peculiar Job Offer
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: Taboos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068560
Comments: 42
Kudos: 168





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much my first time seriously trying my hand at writing. I originally intended this to be a comic but unfortunately I have zero drawing skills and tracing Koikatsu models I created of the characters became too time consuming. However, I’ve had a story running through my mind about these characters for a long while and it would be a shame not to tell it, even if I’m inexperienced in writing. 
> 
> It’s a bit of a slow burn and these first few chapters aren’t gonna contain much sexy stuff, but regardless, I hope you enjoy it. Special thanks to GeroGyaru for helping me with feedback and editing.
> 
> DISCLAIMER : This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This is also meant to be more of a form of self-therapy for me than anything, and I do not condone any of the actions taken by the characters in this story. 
> 
> Regardless, I hope you get something out of it. Enjoy!

When thinking back on things, the first distinct image that really comes to mind of when my current life started is walking past the elementary school with squinted eyes on a sunny morning. Surprisingly, despite the fact it was summer, there were still tons of kids at the school playground. Made sense, it was a nice one if I remember correctly. I felt a bit of regret not having the idea to come during the summer as a kid, considering the winters were rather rough and recess was closed off half the school year.

Regardless, the mood was peaceful. I could hear windchimes and children laughing on the swings I used to play on. The sun was illuminating the bright blue sky, beaming down on me while the breeze cooled me off. It was nice. Yet, I couldn't help but feel a slight sense of dread approaching my destination, a towering blue house that looked straight out of a painting. A house I was headed to for a rather unconventional job offer.

It all started when I was looking for jobs, I was the typical unemployed teen tight on cash, and I really didn’t want to work in a restaurant or retail business like many other kids my age. I wasn’t a huge people person, and I figured it wouldn’t take that many annoying customers to break my overly irritable ass and get me fired.

Luckily, I had a talent that could get me into a more favorable job for my mental state. I’d always been good with animals! I had an uncanny ability to get pets to be super chill and trusting around me. Didn’t make much sense, both my siblings were allergic so I didn’t grow up around them. But I found with extended family and friends’ pets that they warmed up to me fairly quickly. So, when I turned 15 and was old enough to be eligible, I set out to become a petsitter.

I got to work on getting a license. After around a month of studying and taking an online test, I got a general license for both babysitting and petsitting, which for some reason in my town was a two for one type of deal. I started signing up on sitter for hire websites and voila! Just like that, I was a petsitter. I started taking small jobs around town. At first it was harder than I thought. In all my encounters with my friends’ pets, I never had to pick up their shit. Regardless, I soldiered on anyway, improving at the job and gradually building up my reputation, treating the pets with the utmost care to the best extent while their owners were away.

I don’t mean to brag, but I did gain quite the unique reputation on those sites. Everyone knew I took or rejected jobs almost right away. I even had a unique notification sound effect on my phone for whenever I received a message on my petsitting email. Smart phones were new at the time and I thought I was real clever for setting that up. It kept me punctual too, so nobody could ever give me a bad review for being late for anything.

Soon, I had gone from taking small jobs where I would just take care of pets for a few hours to entire weekends. I received glowing reviews and was making a decent amount of money. Because my sister had gone off to college, there was one less allergic person in the house, and my brother was supportive, trying different allergy medication till we found something that worked. I was having a blast. Soon, I was one of the top sitters in our area.

Despite the fact I was licensed for both petsitting and babysitting, I never really intended to babysit. I always got along with kids fairly well, but taking care of one seemed like a rather big responsibility I wasn’t entirely sure how I’d… well, let’s just say I wasn’t terribly sure how good I’d be at the job. So I only signed up for petsitting on the websites.

Then, one night I got a message.

It was late at night, the sound I had set on my phone for petsitting job notifications rang out and woke me up. As I groggily reached around the side of my bed blindly reaching around for my phone I regretted ever setting the damn thing to do that, I finally got a hold of it and through squinted eyes read the message. It wasn’t sent through any of the sitting services.

“Subject: $800 to babysit for a weekend”

I sat up in bed and stared wide eyed at the screen to make sure I wasn’t misreading it. _Eight hundred bucks?! That’s more than I’ve seen in multiple jobs combined!_ I was an impulse buyer, and typically would spend all my money before I could even save up that much. So the idea of getting that much money at once was perfect for someone like me.

The jarring feeling of seeing that number on my screen knowing it was addressed towards me was almost enough to make me gloss over the fact the email said “babysitting”. Almost. My excitement quickly passed, as the more cynical part of my teenage brain started to take over, thinking this must be some spam message targeted at users of sitting sites.

Still, I opened the message and began reading.

"Sorry if this is rather sudden, but we haven’t been able to find a sitter in a long time on any of the sites, and we noticed you were close and were licensed for babysitting. We know you only have petsitting available on your page, but we are desperate and from the looks of it you are an outstanding sitter. People say you’re friendly, you’re personable, and you have a notoriously strange punctuality when it comes to responding to emails. My wife and I want to take a vacation for a weekend and we need someone to look after our daughter, Alyssa.”

Attached was a photo of a young girl with light brown hair. She was wearing large square glasses, her shut eyes were enlarged by the lenses, freckles lined her cheeks with a huge grin across her face, it gave her an almost cartoonish look.

Through her facial expression and her pose I could somehow detect that this young girl was an object in motion, even though she was looking at the camera her legs were bent at the knees and her arms were hugging her stomach as if she was laughing, the image gave off the energy that she knew she was getting her photo taken but was just so excited she couldn’t keep still. Must’ve required a damn expensive camera to capture that so sharply. Even at the time before I knew anything, I remember thinking it was pretty cute.

“We live just on the other side of town, past the elementary school, we were wondering if you could come down sometime later this week to discuss a job. We live just down the road past the school, you can’t miss it. Please respond ASAP and we’ll send you our address.

Sincerely,

Jake Jones”

I was stunned and confused by the e-mail. There was an air of anxiety and desperation to the message that felt sketchy as all hell, but the thought of what I could do with $800 was already racing through my mind. That was huge to me at the time, and it certainly was big for a sitting job.

 _I could get a new computer, or I could get a decent TV in my own room!_ I held out my hands in a rectangular formation towards the wall across from my bed which I had kept intentionally bare in case I ever did have a big break like this, trying to picture what a slick HDTV would look like in my room.

 _These people must be rich!_ , I thought excitedly. It helped my suspicions that they lived on the more wealthy side of town. I had walked down that street many times when walking home from school as a kid, sometimes stopping to take a look at the rather extravagant looking houses.

I quickly started a reply email. But then right before I started to write, I hesitated. Did I really want to do this? For a moment, all the possibilities of how hellish looking after some little snot could be ran through my head, I stared at my phone screen for a good 20 seconds or so… and then...

…

_I suppose I should keep my reputation for punctuality._

I simply typed “Can we meet tomorrow?”

That brings us to today, where I found myself at the footstep of the Jones’ house. It looked even more intimidating up close. Despite my excitement at the idea of the money, the uncertainty and sketchiness of this situation still burned in my mind. Regardless, I mustered up the courage and rang the doorbell.

A few moments passed, and I heard what sounded like bolts unlocking before opening, revealing a friendly looking middle aged guy wearing what looked to be a business outfit and glasses. He looked like a dad, I figured I had the right house.

“Hey! You must be Alex.” he said cheerfully.

“Oh! Uh, yeah. You’re Mr. Jones?” I replied.

“Oh, please. Call me Jake!”, he outstretched his hand for a shake, which I promptly returned, doing my best not to seem awkward. “Come on in!” he motioned me inside.

I hesitantly followed him in, half expecting someone to jump out and bag my head, revealing this was all an elaborate illegal organ harvesting operation! But instead, I was led down a hallway to the kitchen. A rather nice looking kitchen, in fact. There was a hallway of top of the line looking appliances leading into a dining room.

“So, I must apologize for the hastily written email. I was quite busy at the time I was writing it and had to kinda get it out there quickly.” he said as we sat down. “Oh, have you eaten breakfast?”

“Oh, yes! Thank you.” I was smiling awkwardly out of discomfort. I was cautious about this guy. The whole situation seemed a bit too good to be true, “It was a bit surprising, receiving an email like that through none of the official sitting services...''

“Well, you weren’t listed for babysitting on any of those sites”, he replied with a chuckle, he talked and carried himself like a businessman, “Which is actually why I wanted to meet you ahead of time, I saw that you were licensed for babysitting on your profile, but I have to ask why you aren’t taking jobs as one right now?”

“Well, I mean… I wasn’t really interested in taking babysitting jobs to be honest, I just had to learn how to be one to get that general sitting license.”

“But you did learn the basics of babysitting right?” He leaned his head forward, it felt uncomfortable, as if he was pressing me.

“Yeah, I mean it wasn’t that hard though. I have always been good around children—”

“That’s good!” he replied. I was a bit startled at the interruption.

“...but I mean, it seems like a big responsibility to take care of a child compared to a pet. I’ve never really done it before...”

 _What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to talk him out of this?!,_ Part of me was screaming at myself, but what was I supposed to say? I hadn’t even babysat family members before.

“Well, I appreciate the honesty, so I’m going to be honest with you, Alex. Me and my wife have been looking after our little girl Alyssa non-stop all summer and we desperately need a vacation. But unfortunately, we haven’t been able to find a sitter. We aren’t exactly the most connected with our extended family and I dunno if you knew this, but there aren’t many babysitters around this neighborhood.”

I did know that. There’s only like 7 listed on all the sites.

“None of the listed babysitters on that site have responded to us, and my only window for vacation days is this weekend. You were the first to respond, and I think that takes guts coming from someone who doesn’t even consider themselves a babysitter.”

 _What the hell are you talking about? You waved nearly a grand in my face. How was I NOT supposed to respond?_ , I thought to myself, though in reality I just said “Thanks.”

“Your reviews are amazing, you’ve shown that not only are you good at taking care of pets but you seem to be a real stand up guy who’s young and looking for experience, and I think you would be perfect for looking after our little girl. She’s old enough where she knows how to take care of herself to a decent extent, but obviously leaving her alone for the entire weekend… We’re a little nervous about doing that.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I just told him I was unsure about the whole situation, yet he was putting so much confidence in me. Something felt wrong. Where was this kid he was talking about?

“Where is Alyssa, by the way?” I tried not to sound so distrusting, because if this was real I really didn’t want to blow it.

“Oh, she’s sleeping right now. It’s still a little early for her, she sleeps in a lot during the summer.” he replied. I supposed that made sense, although I was hoping to at least meet the girl I was babysitting, “...Actually, y’know what? It’s late enough in the morning. Let’s go meet her.”

“Oh, okay!” I was a bit surprised, was he actually going to go get her?

He got up from his seat, “C’mon, follow me. I’ll show you where her room is.”

I hesitated, not sure if I wanted to follow this guy deep into this house to find this supposed little girl, but I agreed and got up. If this was real, I wanted at least to meet her. If it’s not, I’ve always been a good runner.

He led me from the kitchen to the living room, it looked rather nice. A big comfy couch across from a giant plasma screen TV, one of those thicker early types of HDTVs you would see at the time. I sort of stared in awe, the tech nerd side of me was drooling, the TV I had been considering for my room was a tiny-ass LCD, plasma was a whole different ballpark. Guess these people really were rich. Past the living room there was a hallway with various doors.

“This is the bathroom… This is the guest room where you’ll be staying over the weekend…” he opened each door, I couldn’t see much from behind him but I made sure to keep him within my sights in case he tried anything funny. “...and this is Alyssa’s room!”

At the very end of the hall in the center was the final door. It had a piece of paper tacked onto it with the name “ALYSSA” crudely written in sloppy handwriting. _I thought she was like 10, not 5..._

Jake knocked on the door, a few seconds passed before it slowly cracked open.

...

That conversation I had earlier wasn’t "the meeting" I referred to. This was.

“Mmn... Daddy… What is it?” a meek and tired sounding voice came through the crack in the door. I looked closer and I could see what appeared to be a small figure in the doorway.

“Come out, sweetheart. Someone wants to meet you.”

The door opened further, and I was greeted with the same young girl I had seen in the email, only this time dawning pajamas and a serious case of bedhead without the enthusiastic aura I had gotten from the image. Instead, she looked sort of dazed from being woken up.

“This is Alex, he came over to talk about being your new babysitter.” Jake gestured at me. In an instant her eyes lit up and she looked over at me.

“...R-Really?!” she exclaimed, to my surprise she began to waddle over to me, her pajama bottoms being a bit too long for her tiny legs making her walk a little funny, although she didn’t seem to be paying much attention in her excitement. Soon, she was only a foot away and looking right up at me with big excited blue eyes and that gigantic smile I had only seen in the image beforehand. “Are you going to be my new babysitter?!”

“Uh…” I was still trying to process that this was a real thing that was happening.

“Now, now, Alyssa. He hasn’t really agreed to that yet.” Jake said.

“Oh…” all of a sudden her face turned sad. _What the hell?!_ _She shifts moods that quickly?!_

“I know that daddy has been looking _re_ _a_ _al_ hard for a babysitter, and I know it might be kind of… a hard choice. But…” her expression shifted to a determined look “If you come over I’ll be very good and we can have a lotta fun! I promise! We could watch movies or go to the park or—!”

“Hey, hey now… It’s okay. Calm down.” I said with a nervous laugh, trying to avoid any more extreme emotional shifts. “I think your dad has already convinced me. I’ll be your babysitter.”

Her expression lit up yet again, I felt a bit of relief. She went from looking excited to looking like she was going to cry in seconds, definitely was gonna have to watch that when with her. I already felt a bit in over my head, but that feeling was overtaken by excitement that this was all really happening and I was really going to get this job!

“Yay! New babysitter!” she exclaimed. I laughed, glad that she seemed excited about it too. Jake smiled and gave me a thumbs up from behind her. I nodded back in response.

_Alright... this is really happening._

All of a sudden I felt something wrap around my waist, I looked down to see the young girl now hugging my lower body, still cheering. I audibly let out my surprise with a small "Ah!". On most of the sitting sites, one of the big rules was to not make unneeded physical contact with the kids. I assumed Jake had at least taught her the same rule.

“Okay, calm down Alyssa.” Jake said with a chuckle, guess he didn’t seem to mind much. Although it still made me feel a little uncomfortable, Didn’t matter though, she let go without any protest. “Can you come at Saturday around noon?”

“Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you so much for this opportunity.” I was laughing in disbelief. Suddenly, I realized that in my overwhelmed state I may have not made the best first impression with Alyssa, I had to make a good exit. I leaned down and attempted to flash her the most genuine smile my awkward teenage self was capable of, “I’ll see ya then, kiddo.”

She giggled, putting her hands behind her back and happily swaying her body from side to side a little in a way I only thought happened in cartoons. _Wow_ _, guess I_ _charmed her._

We said our goodbyes and I left the house, once I was down the street and out of view I was practically skipping with excitement.

 _This is going to be great!_ , I thought to myself. Little did I know how greatly taking care of this little girl would affect my life in the long run.


	2. First Day

_**Smack** _ _**, smack, smack.** _

_Oh, God..._

_**Slap** _ _**, plap, plap.** _

_This is just... fucking gross, it’s so... so gross._ _I can’t believe this is happening._

 _**Smack** _ _**, smack, smack.** _

“Mmm...”, I heard a soft moan leak from between her lips.

 _Oh, God... this feeling..._ _I shouldn’t_ _say anything_ _..._ _it might make things worse..._ _but... I need to_ _tell her_ _..._ _I can’t keep this inside!_

“Alyssa...”

“Mmhm?”

“Do you always chew with your mouth open?”

I saw a look of embarrassment spread across the young girl’s face from across the table, “Ah. N-No... Sorry... I just forgot. Heh.”, she went back to eating the burger I had brought for her. Now chewing with her mouth closed, albeit in a fashion that looked a little deliberate and mechanical, like when you become aware of your own breathing.

 _Damn, I made her feel self conscious about that... Don’t make the rich people’s kid feel bad, dipshit._ I decided to change the subject and make some small talk, “So, your parents never actually told me how old you are.”

“Mhm...”

...

_..._

“...So... how old are you?”

“Oh, I’m 9!”, she held out 9 fingers to emphasize, just in case I missed it.

“So you’re in the fourth grade then?”

“Yup! I go to Oakshore Elementary School, it’s the biiig school just down the street and... my favorite class is gym class!”, that huge grin was beginning to spread across her face as we talked.

“Hmm... I wish I could say the same.”, I gestured to myself, “This scrawny body didn’t have as much luck with Oakshore’s gym class.”

She giggled for a second before gasping when she fully realized what I said, “You used to go to my school?!”

“Yep.”

“Ooh, that’s so cool!”

I chuckled, “Is Coach Chris still the gym teacher, and does he still give the kids crap?”

“What? Noooo, Coach Chris is so nice! He lets us do gymnastics a lot, which is like my favorite thing..."

Made sense, she seemed to be a very active kid. She had been bouncing around excitedly since I got there. Even as we sat at the table and talked she was sorta shifting around in her seat, sometimes I would feel her little legs moving around excitedly under the table, kicking the table leg. She could hold a conversation, but she wouldn’t make eye contact for very long, her gaze constantly wandering. 

“You like gymnastics?"

Suddenly, her wandering eyes locked directly onto mine, “Yes! Wanna see something cool I can do?”

I laughed nervously a little, “Sure.” _Oh, please please please don't do a backflip and break something._

She got up from her seat real quick and moved to a more spacious area of the kitchen, she then kicked up her right leg to the side and grabbed it with her arm, pulling it straight up. “Ta-daaa~!”, she sang.

“Haha, very nice!” I cheered and clapped politely, although I was a tad bit embarrassed looking at her pose like that in her tiny pink shorts, but I suppose that's the kind of stuff you wear when you're a more active kid.

She sat back down with a proud look on her face. I decided to bring up something more relevant. “So, is there anything you wanna do after lunch?”

“Wellllll...”, suddenly her mouth launched into a cascade of words. “We could watch a movie or I have a bunch of toys and board games my parents don’t really like video games so we don’t have any of those but I have things like Legos and I think boys like Legos a lot too and I like Legos so we could do that—”

“Uh, okay let’s do one of those things.” I replied hastily to get her to stop her run on sentence, “What if we just go into your room and pick something out. You got like toys and stuff in there, right?”

Suddenly she paused for a moment and looked at the ground, “Well... I could go pick it out, you don’t need to um...” her voice lowered to a murmur.

“What? Alyssa, speak up.”

She perked up again, “Actually, I just had an idea! What if we go to the playground? You could see your old school!”

“Oh, okay! Let’s do that.”, I was a bit confused by her sudden choice to change her mind but I began to get up anyways.

She quickly scarfed down the remaining bites of her burger before getting up. She grabbed my arm, giggling, trying to lead me to the door. “Ah, hey Alyssa! It’s okay, I can walk myself.”

“Oh! Sorry, heh...”, she seemed a little embarrassed, like she just did it without thinking. She had done that a couple times since I got here. Grabbing onto my arm and hugging me at many opportunities. She was a very touchy feely kid, and I suppose that’s just how they are, but it still seemed a little weird to me.

Suddenly as we made our way to the door she spoke up again, “Thank you for the food...”

“You’re very welcome.”, I took the opportunity to give her a smile and potentially relieve some of her embarrassment. She smiled back.

I didn’t expect us to go outside the house much during this babysitting job, I figured the rich kid would have a bunch of toys and games she had been spoiled with. I wasn’t much of an outdoorsy type but I suppose I was curious about what my old school was like now.

Suddenly, as we walked down the street, Alyssa yelled out “Hey! Mrs. Mayor!”. I turned to see a woman smiling and waving at us from a rather fancy looking house’s front lawn. She looked no older than 30 but her overall body language and expression gave the impression of an older, wiser woman. I was a little stunned, I recognized her from the news. She definitely was the mayor.

“Hello, Alyssa.” she spoke in a mature, almost motherly tone. “Who’s that you’re with?”

“Oh! This is my new babysitter.”, annnnd she grabbed my arm again, it's like a reflex with her. This time I didn’t fight it, I didn’t want to shake a 9 year old off my arm like a joyless asshole in front of the mayor.

I think she picked up on my discomfort though, she laughed and put out her hand for a handshake, “Well, it’s very nice to meet you Mister...”

“Oh, uh... Adams. Alex Adams.” I replied, trying not to seem awkward while taking the hand and giving it the most professional shake I possibly could. “It’s an honor... to meet you... Uh— ma’am.”

“Haha, thank you very much.”, she turned to Alyssa, “Where are you two going today?”

“We’re going to the playground!”, Alyssa hopped excitedly while still holding onto my arm, shaking me around a little.

“Ah, well I hope you two have a lovely time.”, she smiled. _What a sweet lady._

“Thank you, Mrs. Mayor~!”, Alyssa sang before taking off towards the playground skipping.

“H-Hey! Alyssa, wait! Don’t run in the street!” I called out. Great, now I looked like a shitty babysitter in front of the mayor.

I was about to take off after her, before the mayor spoke up again, “Oh, it’s fine. She knows her way around this block.” I turned back around, she was still smiling. “It was very nice of you to take the babysitting job. I would’ve taken it myself, we’re close with the Jones’ family and I love the girl. But... Of course, I’m a rather busy woman.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” I replied with a sort of awkward laugh.

“It’s been hard for them to find a sitter after a lot of the online ones quit on her.”

That caught my attention. “Come again?”

“You didn’t know? Surely you must’ve seen the reviews on the babysitting sites.”

Oh yeah, a couple of the sitting sites I signed up for sort of worked like Uber in that both the customers and workers could give reviews. I always thought it was a little harsh, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t use it to know which pets to avoid sometimes. “I didn’t know. They contacted me directly through e-mail.”

“Oh. Huh... Well, regardless, it seems like you’re getting along well enough.”

“Yeah...” _Why the hell didn’t Jake tell me about that?_

“Alyssa is a sweetheart, but she can be a bit overwhelming at times. When she gets going, she can be a bit... all over the place.”

“I see...”, I sorta got where she was coming from. But I mean, she’s just a kid. That’s how they are, right? “Well, thanks for letting me know. I’ll do my best. I should go check up on her now.”

“Of course”, she smiled that warm smile again “It was very nice to meet you, Alex.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Mayor.”

“Oh, young man. No need to be so formal, you can call me Marie!”, she giggled.

“Okay, Mrs. Mayor Marie.”, Somehow that crappy excuse for a joke got a modest chuckle out of her, and I decided that was a good time to make my exit. We waved goodbye and turned to start walking to the playground, when I got there Alyssa was already running around the various playground attractions.

I half kept watch while Alyssa played, alternating between making sure she wasn't getting into any trouble and checking my phone, she was just kinda doing her own thing, running around the playground by herself. Every once in a while, she’d yell out “Hey Alex, look!” and show off some impressive stunt. Hanging upside down on the monkey bars, doing a flip, sliding down a pole, etcetera... Some of it was fairly impressive, my scrawny ass could barely get to the third monkey bar when I was younger.

It did feel a bit awkward to watch. When I went to the playground I’d typically play games with friends, but she was just kind of hanging out by her lonesome. At one point she tried talking to a boy around her age but he just kinda walked away without warning at a certain point in the middle of one of her run on sentences. Alyssa sorta just stood there for a second before going back to playing by herself. Brutal.

After around an hour of playing, I was sort of resting and daydreaming on the bench I was sitting on, when all of a sudden I heard Alyssa call out for me, “Alex! Come over here!”

I lifted my head up from it’s resting position to see the young girl on the swing set. She had strategically picked the one with the least rusty looking chains. She knew her shit. I abided by her request and made my way over to the swing set. “What’s up?”

“Sit next to me!”, she demanded.

I laughed, a bit taken aback. “Wouldn’t you like me to push you? Isn’t that how this whole thing works?”

“Nnnope!”, she exclaimed. “C’mooonnn, do it.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to. The swings were typically where I would hang out as a kid, just chilling with friends or listening to music while calmly swinging. Still, I decided to tease her a little bit more. I made my way over to the swing next to her, but right before I sat down I paused, “...Y’know if I sit next to you, the other kids are gonna think I’m your boyfriend.”

“No they won’t!”, she blurted out rather defensively. “You have to swing at the same height to be boyfriend and girlfriend! Everyone knows that, dummy.”

“That’s marriage, not dating. Don’t try and explain the rules to me, I’ve known the rules longer than you’ve been ali—”

“Just SI’DOWN!”

I lifted my hands up in defeat and obliged. I felt the swing set creak a little under my weight, definitely wasn’t built for someone of my age. I began gently kicking my feet back and forth to give me a little rock, I wasn’t going to get too spicy with it. Alyssa was a bit more aggressive however, thrusting her legs back and forth to get decently high in the air.

I decided to keep the teasing up, “Are you trying to show off?”

“Noooo, it’s just fun this way. C’mon, you go higher too!”

“Ah, I think I’m a bit tired for that.”

“You’re no fun!”

I gasped mockingly, “I’m hurt.”

She giggled, “C’mooonnnn, let’s see who can go higher!”

“You have a clear advantage in that competition! Do it with a friend your own size...”

“Mm... I don’t really come with friends...”, she turned her gaze away from me. “There’s Stacy... But she doesn’t really like super like... active stuff. She likes like... movies and stuff.”

“I see... Well, I’ll be your friend.”

She smiled and looked over, “Really?”

“Of course! You seem pretty fun to talk with, so that’s a good base for a friendship in my book.”

She began swinging a bit faster, as if she could hardly contain her joy. It was a little adorable.

Suddenly she jumped off, making a satisfying arc through the air and sticking the landing. She ran around the swing set, positioning herself behind me. I tried turning my head frantically to see what she was doing, but before I got a good sight of her I felt her tiny hands against my back pushing me higher.

“A-Alyssa?! What are you doing?!”, I asked with a bit of a bewildered laugh.

“You’re my friend now, so I get to push you.”, she responded, giggling.

“Haha okay, but I wanna be let down now. O-Okay?”

“Nope! You’re gonna have to jump.”

“Wha-?! No, Alyssa—”

I couldn’t see fully behind me but I could practically HEAR the smug smile on her face, “What’s the matter? You chicken?”

Damn it, she got me there. How was I supposed to respond now? No... There was only one way to respond to this challenge... I had to channel my pure skill from years of being the lonely kid on the swing set! I began focusing on the motion of the swings, feeling for that right time to jump off with the optimal amount of forward thrust to give me a nice arc through the air.

 _..._ _There it is! Okay, next swing I just gotta fling myself forward and I’ll stick the landing!_

I was beginning to feel a bit of a rush, I hadn’t been in this position since the fifth grade, I was feeling a wave of youthful energy flow through me as I prepared my jump.

 _Steady_ _... NOW!_

I tried to push myself forward but somehow missed the mark by just a second, and what should have been an arc became a straight line upward into the air followed by a fast and harsh descent, slamming my back into the ground sending a shockwave of pain through my body that quickly dashed that youthful feeling I had been experiencing only a moment earlier.

I cried out in pain. Alyssa rushed over to my side, looking mortified at my body laying on the ground, like I had just been hit by a car in front of her.

“Alex! I’m so sorry!”, she cried out, there was a genuine sound of regret in her voice that sort of caught me off guard.

“I-It’s okay.”, I tried to sound okay, although as I sat up I let out a few pained groans, my back felt so damn sore.

“A-Are you okay? I’m sorry... I’m... I’m sorry.”, she whimpered. I can still hear how broken up she sounded, just stutters and a shaky voice.

I laughed a little at her concern at the time, not thinking much of it. “Hey, don’t worry so much. I think it’s time we head home, huh?” I got up myself, only to feel Alyssa’s hands again, this time wrapping her arm around me for support as if I had just broke a leg, I didn’t really need it but I wasn’t going to deny her concern.

When we finally got back to the house, I sat down on the couch to rest my sore back. “Well that’s a way to start a babysitting career, huh?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Alyssa didn’t respond, she just hastily grabbed a blanket and laid it over me, her once wandering eyes now pointed directly at the ground with a sad look on her face.

“Hey, are you okay, kiddo...?”, I asked.

“I just... You just became my friend, and then I did that... It’s just... It feels bad...”

“Hey, c’mon now... You didn’t do anything wrong... Haha, I mean I was the one who messed up the jump—”

“You know what I mean! I hurt you...”, Her voice was gradually getting shakier. Trying to lighten the mood clearly wasn’t working.

I sighed, contemplating what I could do, I couldn’t have a kid crying on the first day. Tears were building under Alyssa’s eyes, I lifted my hand to wipe them off, she rested the side of her face into my hand. I remember feeling a little shocked, she felt so soft...

I cupped her cheek gently in my hand, she opened her eyes. With her head leaning down, she looked like a sad puppy with those big blue eyes magnified by her glasses. _Man, I gotta do something about this._ Against my better judgement, I leaned forward and awkwardly wrapped my arms around her to give her a hug.

I felt her body kind of tense up, like it surprised her. Made sense, it was the first time that night I had willingly hugged her. Looking back, I think that small act of doing it myself made her happier than I realized.

Ditching trying to joke around it, I tried to put on that mature voice I did when I first met her. “Don’t you worry. We’re still friends, kiddo.”

“Really?”, she whimpered, her head in my shoulder. “You still like me?”

“Yea, it was just a little mishap. I’m not gonna break from a fall like that, I’m not an old man or anything.”

“Heh...”, once again, I could practically hear the smile in her voice. I felt relieved for a moment, seems like I had finally cheered her up. I felt her lift her head up from my shoulder, I assumed she was done hugging, I shut my eyes and tried to lean back. Only to feel something big lean against me.

I reopened my eyes to find Alyssa now up on the couch with me, sitting on my legs. Before I had time to even figure out what was going on, she leaned into a much deeper hug against my body, and for just a moment I completely forgot about the soreness. My mind went blank as I felt every inch of this fragile little girl’s body pressed against mine.

In my haze, I managed to mutter out “Hey, Alyssa w-what are you—?”, but I didn’t have time to finish my sentence before I found myself with the soft lips of this tiny 9 year old girl in my lap pressed against mine.

It took me a second to comprehend what was happening. At first, instinctively it felt nice, but as my slow brain caught up to the actual situation I was in, that nice feeling devolved into a just... a mess. A mess of screaming panicking static. Just a painful terror that shot through my body, like a thousand screaming voices, every single one of them telling me to get her off of me. Right. Now.

I felt like I was on fire. My eyes widened, my entire body tensed up and I pushed Alyssa off of me, landing on the carpeted floor below directly on her behind.

“Y-YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!”, I blurted out. She stared back with wide wet eyes, looking both startled and embarrassed.

We just sat there for a moment, staring at each other, terrified, trying to catch our breath and fully process what just happened, she must’ve made it before me, because right before I could even attempt to apologize, she took off running to her room and slammed the door.


	3. Good Touch

It goes without saying, I haven’t been telling you everything. There was a reason why I was uncomfortable with Alyssa hugging or grabbing me, the same reason why I didn’t want to babysit in the first place, and the same reason I reacted so venomously to Alyssa’s kiss. It didn’t really have anything to do with her... you’ve probably figured it out already, haven’t you? I suppose I should explain regardless...

I’ve had a sneaking suspicion about it since I was around 10, but I think it really started when I was 8. I was spending the summer with some friends at a camp, and in the middle of the night we decided to sneak out to swim at a nearby beach. Typically only us boys would go on these escapades, but this time a girl, a friend of a friend, decided to join us. A lot of us didn’t bring swimsuits to camp and just decided to go naked, including her.

There was the typical childish immaturity amongst our friend group about it, but secretly while I found it funny, it also made me... feel funny. I felt butterflies in my chest. I had found more traditionally attractive women pretty before, but this was an entirely different feeling altogether. I hadn’t really paid attention to girls before, but I couldn’t stop staring at this one for some reason.

Her flat chest aligned with her slightly chubby belly and legs almost seamlessly, the only real thing sticking out being her tiny but round rear. Her skin was smooth, but she had just the right amount of puffiness to make her look soft and cute as well, the fact she was on the swim team at her school definitely helped her look elegant, practically soaring through the water as if she were a bird in the sky, her glistening skin lit by the moonlight. Arching her body in different directions to smoothly swim around. To this day, it’s such a distinct image in my mind.

I found out about porn a few years later, but even the most objectively pretty women in the more traditional sense didn’t make me feel the same good feeling I felt when I merely thought of the image of that young body gliding through the water. I assumed at the time it merely had to do with me being young, preferring girls around my own age, then I got a bit older... then I became a teenager... then I turned 15.

There was no real way for me to explore these feelings, so despite the fact they’re a part of me, they felt alien and... absolutely terrifying. I tried to shut those thoughts out, fearing if I even thought about it I’d do something horrible.

But ironically, in trying to avoid that dark part of my mind so hard, I might’ve done something horrible anyways, I practically screamed at an impressionable little girl that just got a little carried away with her affection... I had to make this right.

It took a good few minutes before I could muster up the courage to walk up to Alyssa’s room. I reluctantly trudged my sorry ass down the hallway, illuminated by the lights lining the walls, with how slow I was moving I realized how unique the lights looked, they seemed old and dimly painted the halls in a dark orange glow. It gave the simple door at the end of the hallway a more intimidating look.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door, “Alyssa? Is it okay for me to come in?”

No response... Maybe she wasn’t even sad, maybe she was mad at me, maybe that would be better...

I sighed, “I’m coming in...”

“N-No... Don’t...”, I heard a whimper at the other end of the door.

“...Alyssa, we gotta work this ou—”

“Just go away!”, she yelled.

“Listen, you’re not in trouble. I messed up. I shouldn’t have yelled at you—”

“Just leave already! Leave like the others...”

That left me silent for a few moments. Maybe this was partially about what the mayor said earlier? About the babysitters quitting on her? I pondered for a moment on what to say, “People have left you before?”

No response.

“Well, I don’t wanna leave you, especially like this. I’d never be able to forgive myself if I left you after what I just did... That was an awful thing for me to do.”

No response.

“I’m coming in...”, I creaked open the door.

“N-No, don’t... look.”, her voice sounded weak and despaired. Almost as if as I opened the door she was admitting defeat, I knew why when I was met with the sight of what was inside.

The room was absolutely cluttered from wall to wall. Dusty toys and used clothing scattered the floor, some looking as if they haven’t been picked up in months. A desk in the corner was covered with papers, drawings and writings, along with various unfinished lego projects.

There was everything from action figures to cowboy hats to hobbyist electronic kits, and it was absolutely everywhere. Just a cluttered mess of various things. The room looked like a collection of 9 years of phases and fads this kid had gone through spread across the room in a messy incoherent way. It didn't look very sanitary either, with dust bunnies and dirt gathering in the corners of the room.

Alyssa was curled up in a fetal position with her head down crying on the edge of an unkempt bed. I wanted to start talking but I was still experiencing a little bit of whiplash from the sudden change in look from the rest of the house. “Alyssa... I...”

“I didn’t want you to see this...”, she was crying in her arms. “It’s... bad...”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have barged in but... we have to talk...”

“Just stop!” she suddenly jolted her head up, tearmarks staining her cheeks. “You’re just gonna hate me! This...”, she looked around the room. “This is what I’m like! I’m... all over the place...”

I just stood there, despite how hard I pushed to have this conversation, I was unable to speak. This was a lot worse than I thought.

“This happens every time... I get too excited, and I do something stupid and crazy... and then they leave! All my babysitters... all my... friends... I’m too much!”, there was a genuine strain and agony to her voice. “They hate me! You’ll hate me!”, she buried her face back in her legs and sobbed.

There was only one thing I could really think of to do. I walked up to the bed, bent my sore ass back down, and once again awkwardly wrapped my arms around Alyssa, I felt her body shaking with her sobs. She didn’t hug back but she leaned into it a little. That was at least something, so I decided to start talking.

I was trying to beat around the bush and slowly explain things nicely before, but that wasn’t working, “I... I don’t hate you, kiddo. I handled things really poorly when you kissed me because... I was... scared... and it took me off guard.”

Her breathing stabilized a little, “...You were scared?”, she was listening now and I ran with it.

“I… don’t work with kids that often because… I’m not good around them, and when you kissed me I was a little shocked because that’s not something babysitters are supposed to do… and I got scared.”, my voice was starting to choke up saying this. It was the best way I could explain it to her without saying something incriminating.

No response, she just kept softly crying into my chest. I was nearly on the verge of tears myself saying this. I was so full of regret and it all just came pouring out.

“But... But that’s no excuse for me to react that harshly to you! I mean you’re just a kid, and you were just being affectionate, which is perfectly understandable and not something I should’ve gotten mad at. You did nothing wrong... There’s nothing wrong with hugs and kisses, and I’m so so sorry that you feel like you expressing yourself is somehow a bad thing. I’m sorry I contributed to that feeling... I-I was a bad babysitter... and a bad friend.”

She went silent for a moment, “...Okay.”, she hugged me back. I breathed a sigh of relief, the hug was getting uncomfortable for my back, so I sat down on the bed next to her and just let her lean against my arm for a bit. Soon her shaky body stabilized and she stopped crying, she just rested her head on my arm in silence for a good few minutes as we calmed down.

I decided to finally break the silence, “Y’know... This right here... and when we were hugging... that was kinda nice, huh?”

“...Yea...”

“Do you... wanna keep doing stuff like this?”

“...Yea...”

“Okay, but... Let’s go do it out on the couch... We could watch a movie or something.”

“...Okay...”, she slowly pushed herself off of me, her hands stopping for a moment before leaving my arm, as if she didn’t want to let go of me, even for a second.

I got up to walk out of the room, but before I left I heard Alyssa yelp quietly. I turned back around to see Alyssa still sitting on the bed with a pained expression. “You okay?”, I asked.

“Yeah, it’s just... my butt hurts now.”

I snorted for a half a second before quickly forcing a straight face. “I’m sorry, that’s not funny.”

“No, it... it is funny.”, she cracked a smile, “Ow, my babysitter hurt my butt!”, she said in a mocking voice, making an exaggerated pouty face and holding her behind, and I could hold it back no longer, and a snicker left my lips before both of us broke out into immature laughter at this insane situation we had gotten ourselves into.

I looked up to the sky, “Oh man, what have I done?!”, I exclaimed exaggeratedly, she laughed harder. 

I decided there was something I could do to make it up to her. I walked over to the bed and scooped up the young girl in my arms, bridal style as to avoid touching her bruised rear. She looked up at me, wide eyed. “Alex! W-What are you—?”

“I shall assist you, my lady.”, I said in a phony butler voice. “It’s the least a friend can do.”

Finally, that adorable ear to ear grin slowly spread across her face again, and I carried this sweet little girl in my arms out of the room, both of us still giggling like a couple of dorks, she looked up at me happily with those big blue eyes, her face illuminated by the once intimidating orange light of the hallway lights, now giving off more of an intimate feel, like candlelight. Perhaps it was appropriate, this is where I finally began to let my guard down...

We finally reached the couch, I carefully sat us both down with her on my lap, exhaling as I finally gave my sore back some relief. She looked like she was anxious to get started, already beginning to reposition herself on my lap, but before we did, I decided to set some ground rules. “So, we gotta get something straight real quick.”

“Mhm?”

“Um... Your parents have taught you the difference between like... Good touch and bad touch right?”

“Mhm...”

“So... then you know... If I EVER do something or...” _Fuck, how do I phrase this?_ “...if ANYTHING that happens ever makes you uncomfortable or you don’t like it... You tell me right away, okay?”

She smiled at me, “Okay, I promise.”

“And... I’ll try and let you know if something makes me feel weird too, instead of... y’know, throwing you on the ground.”

She giggled, “Thanks.”

"So, no kissing... At least not right now, and not on the lips... I'm not very sure how I feel about it."

She nodded, looking a bit disappointed but still smiling.

“Alright, you ready?”

“Uh-huh.”, and with that verbal agreement, we almost immediately began.

I felt Alyssa begin to reposition herself to get comfy, she shifted her lower body so her hips were pressed up against my stomach, her small size allowing her to press her entire upper body against my chest.

I wrapped my arms around her, awkwardly patting her back with my right arm before deciding to move it up to stroke her hair, she let out a small happy hum of approval as I combed my fingers gently through her brown locks. 

I chuckled a little at the noises of happiness she was making, “You like that?”, I teased.

“Mhm...”, she giggled and dug her face into my shirt, embarrassed. 

“I gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever met such a touchy feely girl.” (Sad, but true.) “You’ve been hanging on me since I got here and now that I’m finally hugging you back you sound like you’re in heaven.”

She sorta slumped down a bit after that comment, “...Can’t help it.”

I paused for a moment, I had to tread carefully for the sake of her emotion, I didn’t want anymore tears, “You wanna talk about it...?”

She looked up at me and paused, “Mm… I dunno how I would... It’s hard...”

“Well, I suppose I wanna know... Do you have a crush on me or something?”

She sighed and looked down, “I dunno… I think I... my mom says I get 'riled up'. That’s what she calls it...”

“You got a bit too excited?”

“Yea...”

 _Phew, so she doesn't really have feelings for me..._ “Okay, well... your mom says you get riled up? What’s that about?”

“People say I have problems... with like…”, I heard her voice begin to shake again. I rubbed her back a little with one hand, trying to help her through it. “It's like I do things without thinking... People say I'm annoying...”

I sighed, “I’m sorry, kiddo. That’s not fair, they shouldn’t be saying that.”

Her hands tightened, gripping the back of my shirt. “But it’s true! I dunno what’s wrong with me! I'm... too much...”, her voice was cracking, so much for no more tears. Even so, it felt like this was something she had been holding onto for a long time. So I suppose it was good she was letting it out.

“Shh, it’s okay.”, I was trying to console her, but there was only so much I could do, this seemed like it was a sore spot for her. “So, the mayor seemed to know about some of this stuff.”

“Oh yeah...”, she sniffled. “She’s nice to me. She's one of the ones who like… gets it.”

“What about your parents?”, I had a feeling I already knew the answer to that question, but I desperately wanted to believe the Jones’ were at least trying to handle this.

“They’re... um... It seems like I annoy them a lot of the time.”, I could tell that one really choked her up. “They don’t really care anymore."

I felt a part of me seethe at that last comment. This kid clearly wasn’t getting the attention she needed for this stuff, and she had been led to believe it was all her fault. She buried her face into my chest, softly crying into my shirt. _Fuck, what do I say?_

I tried to start, “Well... I... I think you’re a really sweet kid.”

She sniffled, “Really?”

“Yes, you’re sweet... You’re bubbly... You got a smile that could light up a room... You’re a good snuggler…”, I hesitated. “...and please, PLEASE don’t tell anyone I said this, but you’re also not a half bad kisser.”

She laughed a little, looking slightly flustered. “Th-Thank you... You're nice too...”

I sighed, “Um... I’m gonna be real with you, I’m not the best at this stuff. I don’t always know what to say... I’m no parental figure and a shitty joke of a babysitter... But y’know if you ever need someone to talk to... I’m a loser with nothing to do... and your friend.”

She once again gripped the back of my shirt a little, “But... After this, you’ll be gone...”

“No, I won’t be. I’ll keep in touch with your parents, I could be your babysitter again.”

She didn’t look convinced, and to be fair I didn’t believe myself entirely either. Who knew the next time the parents would need a sitter?

“You think I could talk to your parents when I get back about these problems you’ve said you’ve been having? You think maybe they’ll pay attention to someone older than you?”, I asked, although my judge of these parents’ character hasn’t been great so far.

“Mm... I dunno. They might get mad. They get mad at the mayor when she asks them about it.”, she made a grumpy face and wagged her finger mockingly. “’You’re over the line! My child is fine!’”

That’s what I was afraid of, if the mayor couldn’t get through to them, I didn’t have much of a chance. “Well... We’ll figure something out. Don’t worry. I’m gonna help you somehow, okay?”

She smiled, “Okay...”

I sighed in relief, seemed like the rough stuff was finally over. “Oh, right. Should I put on a movie or something?”, I asked.

“Mm… Maybe, but I wanna stay facing you.”

“Ah... Well, what's a movie you like a lot that you know really well? Where you wouldn't have to look that much to know what's going on."

“Hm... _Once Upon a Time in the West_?”

My eyes widened, “You’ve seen that movie?!”

“Yeah, I love westerns.”, she replied rather bluntly.

 _Holy shit, this kid is kinda cool._ I grabbed the remote from the side of the couch and pressed the power button, the giant plasma screen came to life as it lit up the entire room.

“You really shoulda said that earlier.”, I laughed, exasperated. “I would’ve rather watched this than go to the park.”

“But we wouldn’t have gotten to do this.”, she replied, hugging a little tighter. “Wouldn’t be as good.”

I leaned back and smiled, “...Guess you’re right. This is pretty cozy.”

“Oh, one sec!”, she sat up and grabbed the blanket next to us. “Here, more cozyness!”, she exclaimed with that giant ear to ear grin now fully on her face as she wrapped us both in the comforter. Her head cutely being the only thing sticking out after she had fully covered us.

“Thanks, bud.”, I smiled warmly at her while ruffling her hair a bit, she giggled in response before sinking into my body yet again, readjusting her legs to get comfortable, and resting her head on my chest with a big smile on her face.

As the movie started, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close against me, but then all of a sudden I felt an almost paternal urge to do something.

 _Should I?_ , I asked myself. _This might cause more confusion and potentially mess more things up, but it could also help her fully feel better._

I decided I wanted her to feel better. I grabbed Alyssa’s shoulders and brought them back for a moment, pushing her upper body off my chest, she looked up at me confused for a second before I bent down and gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

No response, nothing but a big silly grin across her blushing face. She sat up and hastily gave me a tiny peck on the cheek in response before quickly getting back down to her cuddling position, burying her blushing face in my chest and squeezing me tightly. I could feel her heart racing, admittedly mine was a little as well.

"...Hey, Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"It doesn't feel like… anything could be bad touch right now..."

I froze up, and once again I remembered why I acted the way I did, and that burning fear I felt earlier began to come back. The deep rooted terror that's been a part of me for so long, quickly and viciously taking over my mind. However, this time I was more prepared, I focused my breathing, and reminded myself her happiness was more important than my fear.

I just sighed and rubbed her back a little, "...I know."

She looked up and smiled at me, and by focusing on the feeling that I wanted to keep this girl smiling, that burning fear reduced itself to a weak flame that merely warned me to stay cautious. I figured that was a good place to keep it at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to GeroGyaru for help with editing and feedback this chapter!
> 
> Also, I'd just like to say thank you for all the positive reception so far. I'm super unconfident in my writing ability considering my absolute lack of experience so it genuinely feels amazing to get such positive reception right off the bat, and I feel like I've only been improving since I've started. Please continue to give feedback, I'll try to take as much as I can into consideration when writing. With that being said, things should be heating up in the story soon, so stay tuned for more coming your way!
> 
> Also remember, you can follow me on my baraag @inklover to get updates on my work progress and sneak previews of what I'm writing. However, I will warn you I reshare a crapload of hentai on my page, so be wary of that.


	4. Cowgirls Needn't Have Modesty

Alyssa went to get ready for bed after the movie ended. I decided to go take a quick rest in the guest room I’d be staying in while I waited for her to finish next door. I laid in wake on the hard mattress of the bed, staring up at the ceiling deep in thought.

So many different things were running through my mind, I was wondering if I had done the right thing in the heat of the moment, maybe it would’ve been better to not get so close and to try and find a way to get Alyssa some professional help, but then again it seemed like her parents were rather closed off to the idea from what Alyssa said about them. Still, I felt as if I might’ve crossed a line.

I could hear her singing in the shower next door, I was glad she seemed happy after everything the emotional roller-coaster that was today. It seemed like she liked me a lot, which might help in helping her. But even if I was the answer to her problems, would I even be able to live up to that?

I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever get to see her again after this. Who knew the next time the Jones’ would need a vacation? I could offer to maybe watch Alyssa at the park and maybe let her hang out at my house every once in a while, but considering the other people in those places they weren’t the best places for private snuggles and conversations, plus I couldn’t just ask to see her again because I just want to, I didn’t want to seem like a… creep…

Ah, yeah… There’s that problem too… The big problem with me taking care of her. Even as I was so deep in thought about these serious topics, I couldn’t help but be a bit distracted by the sound of her singing in the shower, the mental image of her in there bouncing around happily in the cute way that she does relieving a bit of my stress, but at the same time making those deep rooted fears burn a slight bit as I realized how much I was enjoying it, when I realized I was feeling the butterflies again.

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, trying to tell myself everything was fine and I didn’t have to worry, _These are just thoughts. What I’m thinking of… it doesn’t exist. It CAN’T exist, right? Love like that…_

_...Love? I’m thinking about love now? Is it love? No, it’s just a perversion. You just like her because she’s a kid. Would you still love her when she’s older? Would she still love you?_

_..._

_No, she’d hate me when she realizes what I am. Just a disgusting fucking pe—_

“Hey, Alex?”

I sat up with a start, snapped out of my thoughts by Alyssa, standing in the doorway, fresh out of the shower, dressed in nothing but a bath towel and those cherry red glasses.

“Alyssa?!”, I tried to hide my embarrassment, but my voice cracked a little.

“I was wondering if you could help me make my bed? It’s hard to do it myself.”

“O-Oh, sure.”, I was wide awake at this point, so why not?

I got up, Alyssa waited at the doorway for me, proceeding to hold my hand as we walked to her room. It was nice to finally have an understanding where I could just let her do stuff like this, it seemed like she was really happy about it. Although, the fact she was practically naked brought a bit of that discomfort I had been feeling earlier back.

She let go of my hand and did a cute little skip as we entered her room. I navigated through the various items on the floor carefully, trying not to step on anything.

“You get started on the bed.”, she said as she made her way to the corner of her room next to her closet and very much to my shock, dropped her towel, my eyes widened as they laid upon the bare naked body and the butt I had fantasized about wiggling around in the shower not even 10 minutes ago. I quickly looked away, feeling my heart rate increase, anxiety overtaking me. 

_This is bad. This is really really bad,_ I didn’t want to yell at her like earlier so I just took a deep breath and nervously laughed a little, “Uh, Alyssa? Do you mind giving me a bit of a warning next time?”

“Huh? What’s wrong?”, she sounded confused, as if she didn’t know why this was weird. 

“I mean... You’re naked. Have some modesty _.”,_ I said, trying to sound composed.

“I like to air dry...”, she sounded a little annoyed. There was no way she didn’t know that this was inappropriate, right?

“Yeah, but... Like, you should only be naked around people you trust.”

“I trust you!”, she sounded hurt.

I laughed bewildered, “I’ve known you for a day!”, my voice cracked again, my face felt burning hot.

“And you’ve been nicer to me than anyone I’ve met in years!”

“That’s...”, I didn’t have a response to that. “Listen, Alyssa. I told you I’d tell you if anything made me uncomfortable right?”

“...Yeah?”

“This makes me uncomfortable, okay?”

A brief silence fell over the room, “...Fine.”, I heard her open up her dresser drawer and rummage around for a second before slipping into something. “Ugh... These are gonna be wet now... Is this okay?”

When I looked back at her, the sight wasn’t much better. Her bottom was no longer exposed but she had only put on a pair of bright blue kiddy panties, which admittedly for me, only made it worse, because they were really... REALLY cute on her.

There was no way she didn’t know how weird this was, right? She did look genuinely annoyed, her hands on her hips and her bare chest all puffed up. She wasn’t acting like a lying little kid, she seemed absolutely for real about this. I took a second to calm down, telling myself it wasn't so terribly weird, I liked to be naked as a kid sometimes, and it wasn't like she really had anything to cover upstairs.

I decided to stop pushing her, she clearly was comfortable and at this point reacting so harshly would probably seem more suspicious and creepy than just not caring.

“Whatever, let’s just get this bed made.”, I turned towards the bed and began to take off the blankets and sheets. Piling them up on the floor was a bit of a challenge as the floor was littered with things.

We began pulling the sheets around the mattress together. They were very pretty rose red sheets, like something you’d see in a love hotel. I was pretty tired at this point, and I couldn’t help but feel the need to lay down. I resisted the urge however, in fear Alyssa would take the opportunity to attack me with cuddles as she liked to do, typically I wouldn’t mind but right now dressed the way she was, that was a hard no.

Even so, I couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked. She looked a lot like the girl I swam with as a kid, except a bit more skinny, skinny enough that you could sorta see her rib cage when she stretched out to cover a hard to reach corner of the bed (something I should add that she didn’t seem to have much trouble doing). Despite this, you could see she did have budding breasts on her chest, thin barely noticeable bumps of fat that gradually blended into her tummy. The panties were also a major weak point for me, hugging her waist tightly and highlighting the curves of her hips and bottom really well. I couldn't help but sneak peeks ashamedly as we worked.

At this point multiple things were distracting me about her, her outfit, the fact she was effortlessly making the bed despite asking me to help, and the fact her mood had taken a 180 and she looked sad about something now.

In my distracted state I nearly tripped over a toy on the floor. “Sorry about the mess...”, Alyssa quietly mumbled, looking down at the sheets solemnly. Was she still a bit hung up on not wanting me to see this room earlier?

“Oh... I mean, don’t worry about it.”, I tried to be reassuring. “My room isn’t much better. When you’re young and all your stuff is packed in one room things begin to pile up. I’m not judging you.”, that was a bit of a lie, this was still clearly pretty bad even for a kid’s room. 

Regardless, she did seem a little reassured and smiled a little, still looking down. “...Really?”

“Yeah, I actually think some of this stuff looks kinda cool. You’re into a lot of the stuff I was into at your age.”, that wasn’t a lie. Some of the stuff in this room had the nerdy kid in me doing backflips.

Her smile grew and she finally looked up at me happily, my heart fluttered a bit at the sight, she looked so pretty tilted forward smiling warmly at me, barely illuminated by the glow of the dim lights in her room, combined with her being nearly bare it looked like something you might see in a painting of an angel. “Thank you...”, she said quietly.

I was getting cute smiles so I continued, “I mean, you got snap circuits? I used to love snap circuits!”

She sighed and her face returned to a sadder expression, “Yep, dad said it’s ‘just as good as a computer.’”

“Oh... You don’t need a computer at your age, do you?”

“I guess, but my parents don’t even let me use theirs. They don’t like video games either. But whenever I go to Stacy’s and play them they’re so fun…”, she had a frustrated look on her face, I let her vent. “I feel like they would be more fun than all these toys, they get boring...”

A picture was beginning to form here. “Ah... That’s pretty rough.”

“I mean... I do like a lot of this stuff. Like... Ooh, lemme show you something.”

She ran across the room and opened up the bottom drawer of her shelf and bent down to rummage around, “Y’know how I like westerns?”

I felt my face grow hotter at the view, “Uh... Yeah” _,_ I decided to stop ogling her, turning my head away and taking a seat on the bed to rest my sore back while I waited.

“Well... I’ve always wanted to play western games because... I got this really cool...”, she quickly turned around wielding what looked like a— “—GUN!”

“HOLY SH—”, I flinched for a moment, out of the corner the way the light of the room reflected off the metal gave off the illusion of an actual gun for a moment, before I looked directly at it and noticed the tip that’s been painted orange. It had amazing craftsmanship for a toy. Foregoing the conventional look of most modern brightly colored plastic guns you’d see in stores. Instead it looked like an old timey revolver with engravings on it.

“It’s a vintage toy cowboy gun!”, she beamed with pride. “My grandpa introduced me to westerns and gave it to me before he died... along with...”, she turned back around and reached into the drawer, before finally adding a new article of clothing to her outfit, a wide brimmed cowboy hat. “...a hat to go with it!”, she giggled.

I couldn’t help but smile at the show she was putting on, “Wow, cowgirl. That's pretty cool, it looks like it could be a movie prop.”

“I know! It’s my favorite toy, I just wish I had someone to play with...”, suddenly her face lit up as if a lightbulb went off over her head, and her face morphed from that innocent excited smile into a smug mischievous grin as she pressed the revolver against the side of her exposed hips, pretending to holster her weapon. “Hey, Alex.”

“Yes?”, I asked with a bit of a confused laugh.

She began to strut slowly towards me, her underwear clad hips swaying in a way that made my heart skip a beat, it was as if she had completely switched personalities in a second, instead of her hyper active bounciness she seemed more controlled and calculated in the way she slowly walked towards me in such an intimidating fashion, with that smug grin on her face all the while.

“I’ve been hearin’ some thangs about you ‘round these parts.”, she remarked in an adorable phony southern accent with a smug grin across her face.

I finally realized what she was doing and got into character too, bringing my voice down to a gravely tough guy sound, “Well if it isn’t Gunslinger Al...”

She gripped her revolver, “This room is too messy for th’ two of us.”

I was caught off guard by the joke and laughed for a moment before quickly regaining my composure, “I’m not going nowhere.”, I placed a finger gun at my hip.

“Well then, we got ourselves a problem don’t we?”, she said. Because I was still sitting down at this point she was standing over me, and I hate to admit it, but in this weird cowgirl mode she had gone into, she was a little intimidating.

“You know it, sweetheart.”, I remarked, it was a dirty move, but I was hoping the pet name might intimidate her a little. It worked, I saw her eyes widen a tiny bit with surprise before locking her gaze onto me once more, looking determined.

We both stared each other down for a moment before both of us whipped our fake guns out at each other dramatically. “ **_Boom! Pssh! Bwam!_ **” we both made over the top firing noises with our mouths before I grasped my chest as if I had been shot.

“Aghhh!”, I gripped my chest and held out my hand dramatically before falling to my side onto Alyssa’s bed. “I knew I shouldn’t a’ messed with the likes of Gunslinger Al!”

In almost an instant I saw her go from her cool collected cowboy mode back to the rambunctious little gremlin I knew as she giggled excitedly at our little game. I began to laugh as well, for a moment I completely forgot about how anxious I was, I was having too much fun.

“Haha, ahhh… We should make a western movie.”, I laughed.

Alyssa giggled, “That’d be the best movie ever!”

After a few seconds the laughter finally began to die down and I yawned, “Ah man, I shouldn't have laid down. I'm really tired.”

“You wanna sleep together?”, she replied almost instantly.

She said it so quickly that I didn't really have time to process it, my head jolted up and I stared wide eyed at Alyssa, “Huh?!"

“That bed in the guest room sucks, you can sleep here if you want.”, she explained bluntly.

“N—!”, I hesitated. The guest room bed did feel pretty rough on my back, and this one felt so damn comfy right now. “I... Are you gonna be wearing that?”

She looked down at herself before looking up again, perhaps finally realizing the awkwardness of her outfit. “I’ll put on my pajamas if you want.”

“Yes, please.”

She smiled excitedly and ran over to her dresser. “Yay! Sleeping together~!”, she cheered in a sing-song voice.

 _I’m such a bad babysitter_ , I thought to myself while I got into bed. Yet, that thought didn’t stop myself from taking in the last few moments of her in her undies as she wiggled her way into her oversized PJs. A tad bit saddened to see them go, but also feeling the last of my anxiety finally fade away, too tired to remember all the things I had been stressing over in the first place.

I lifted up the side of the blanket next to me and beckoned, “Get in here, cowgirl.”

“Heheh, okay...”, she whispered excitedly before hopping into bed with me. We buried ourselves under the rosy red covers we had just set so elegantly mere minutes earlier.

It didn’t take long to learn what Alyssa had in mind by sleeping together, as she almost immediately rolled herself onto my chest, wrapping her arms around me, giggling all the while. Part of me was relieved I made the good call to ask her to put on more clothes, and part of me admittedly was regretting it.

“Well, look at this. I got a little snuggle buddy tonight, don’t I?”, I teased.

“Yes, I’m your teddy bear now.”, she giggled.

I brought my teddy bear into a more comfortable position and wrapped my arms around her as well, giving her a kiss on her forehead, causing her to grip me a little tighter and nuzzle her face into my chest.

“You’re not gonna suffocate yourself against me in your sleep are you? Because that would make me look like a very bad babysitter.”

She giggled a little, “I think you’re doing pretty great.”

“Aw, thanks.”

“Mm...”, she made one of those unique little happy mewls of hers and shut her eyes.

We just laid there with her for a while, feeling each other’s heartbeat, the soothing feeling of her chest breathing against mine, and once more I felt so good that I practically forgot about everything crazy that happened today, and everything felt perfect just being there with her. I could’ve stayed like that forever.

Suddenly, Alyssa spoke up, “Hey, Alex...?”, she said meekly.

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you wanna see me naked?”

I tensed up, “Well, um...”, I paused for a moment, feeling that anxiety take over me again, but when I fully realized what she just said I chuckled a bit, “Did you want me to see you naked?”

I felt her tense up, which sort of gave it away. “I um... I dunno.”

“Alyssa...”

“Okay, fine! Yes, I wanted you to see me...”

I sighed, “So you lied to me, you knew that was something rather inappropriate, and yet you acted like I was making a big deal out of it, and then even when I asked you to cover up you barely put anything on.”, I was getting a little angry now. “I told you I get scared by that stuff. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”

No response, I just felt her shake a little. I realized I had just legitimately scolded her for the first time and immediately I felt a tinge of guilt upon feeling her reaction.

I sighed and patted her back a little, trying to console her. “I’m sorry, kiddo. But… I gotta ask, why’d you do it?”

She poked her head up, her face was beet red, “I dunno... I just got out of the shower and... I was thinking of you and... It was the same feeling with the kiss earlier.”

I paused for a moment, “...Feels like butterflies in your chest?”

“Yea...”, I could feel her face getting hot against my chest. “It’s like... Y’know what you said about how you should only be like that around people you trust? Well, it’s like... it feels good... with people you trust too, you know?”

“Yeah, I totally get it.”

“Really?”

“100 percent.” I hugged her a bit tighter, “But if you trust me, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would you have been okay with it?”

I sighed, “Listen, Al. You’re just a kid—”

“Don’t say that!”, she lifted her face up, looking angrily at me. “That’s what everyone says whenever I try to tell them anything! But you... You’ve been listening to me. So please, don’t say that...”

I was caught off guard, I didn’t expect her to yell at me like that, but I couldn’t blame her. It probably doesn’t feel good to be told your feelings are fake.

Regardless, I tried to press on. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m listening to you. I just...”, I paused. Trying to find the words, “I think you may be a bit excited because you’ve been having a rough time lately. We just met, and you’re going through a lot, and maybe... y’know you’re having a lot of strong emotions. I just wanna be careful and don’t want you to do anything you might regret later on.”

She didn’t respond, she just buried her face into my chest again, breathing heavily like she was trying not to cry.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m mad at you.”, I stroked her hair. “Like I said, I um… I sympathize with what you’re feeling, and how frustrating it must be, and… I want you to keep telling me about this stuff.”

“Really?”, she whimpered.

“Yeah, communication is key. I want us to trust each other, but you gotta start talking to me about these things before you go and freak me out.”

“...Okay, so if I said I wanted to kiss you, what would you do?”

That caught me off guard, “I… I don’t know, kiddo.”

“Would you kiss me?”

I sighed, “I don’t hate the idea but... we can’t. It’s illegal... for you and me to do lovey-dovey stuff like that...”

“Why...?”, she whined.

“Because you’re just a k— you’re a lot younger than me, and it’s easy for older people to manipulate younger people into doing that stuff, so to be safe there’s laws against any of it.”

“I wouldn’t tell anybody…”, she whimpered. “It’s not mm… manipya…? It’s not a trick if I want it…”

I breathed deeply, trying to keep myself composed, “You don’t know if you want it.”

She looked up at me angrily again, “Yes I do! I thought you said you wanted to trust me!?”

“Yes, and I do, but it’s just—”

“Then trust me!”, I could see the tears welling in her eyes again. Although this time it felt more like angry tears.

“I…”, I really wanted to. I really wanted to just do anything and everything she wanted to but… I was so terrified.

“Fine, just forget it!”, she put her head back down and softly headbutted my chest in frustration. “I’m sorry I’m like this…”

And with those few words, I felt part of my resolve crack, because I knew exactly what it felt like to feel these things for someone you couldn’t be with, and to feel awful about who you are because of it.

 _I really shouldn’t… I really really shouldn’t…_ But at the same time, it was beginning to feel more and more petty to continue breaking this girl’s heart. I sat up in the bed, pushing Alyssa back so I could see her face, I brought my hand up to her cheek and wiped away her tears, she looked up at me, I could see so many emotions in her eyes, frustration, pain, confusion.

I’d been feeling those same things since I was around her age, terrifying, confusing, soul rending feelings. She didn’t deserve the same. She deserved so much better.

“Alyssa. Look at me.”, I looked her dead in the eyes with the most serious expression I could muster. "I need you to be 100% honest with me. Okay?”

She looked a little confused but she sniffled and nodded quickly, “Okay.”

“Can I trust you?”, I asked. “You’re not gonna lie to me anymore about how you’re feeling?”

Her eyes wandered around for a moment before locking onto mine, “Yes.”

“We agreed back on the couch, that if either of us did anything that made one of us uncomfortable we’d tell each other right?”

She nodded determinedly, “Yes.”

I took a deep breath in, “...Okay. Did you wanna finish that kiss from earlier properly?”

Alyssa’s eyes widened and she nodded again, “Y-Yes… Please.”

I shut my eyes and exhaled, preparing myself mentally for what I was about to do. When I opened them back up, I saw Alyssa staring back at me with anticipation.

...

“...Okay, let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank you all again so much for the amazing feedback to the story and Chapter 3, I was surprised to get the hits and kudos I had from Chapter 1 and to see that number nearly triple itself and to get so many wonderful comments has been mind blowing, and I am truly humbled. 
> 
> This one took a while because it was very ambitious and just PACKED, it sets up a lot of stuff for later on in the story and the character moments were really emotional for me. I wanted to release this with Chapter 5 because obviously it leaves on a bit of a tease, but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. Chapter 5 is already around a quarter way done and I have a much better idea of how I'm going to structure it, so you guys won't be left hanging for too long.
> 
> EDIT : Turns out writing sexy things like kissing is a lot harder than I thought, so Chapter 5 is probably gonna take a bit longer than I thought it would. Apologies.


	5. Butterflies and Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW // This chapter contains mentions of pedophilia, child rape, and prison rape, although the ladder two concepts are merely explored through dialogue. No sexual violence occurs in the chapter.

Teens always try to imitate the hyper-sexual kind of kissing you see in porn to seem adult, but because of the lack of experience it usually just ends up being awkward. Kids try to imitate the romanticized kind of kissing you see in TV and movies, where you don’t see much of the mouth action but the body language and everything around the kiss illustrates the passion.

She knew enough to turn her head to the side to not bump our noses, which was more than I could say when I was awkwardly kissing girls on the playground at her age. In our case she also had to tilt her head back because of our height difference, I had my hand in her hair to help support her head, though I made sure not to push her into me too hard, not wanting to overwhelm her with too intense of a kiss right off the bat, I wanted her to feel in control.

It was entirely closed mouth, but it lasted a good few seconds. Her lips were soft, warm, and had a sweet fruity taste to them. The kiss felt innocent yet... intoxicating. It gave me those fuzzy feelings I had become accustomed to feeling around her at this point. The rest of my mind, all that fear and anxiety I had been feeling, for a brief time it all faded into nothing, there was nothing but me and her in that moment.

We finally broke off, gasping for air, she had a dazed look in her eyes and a silly looking grin plastered across her face, “W-Wow...”, she exclaimed breathlessly.

My mind felt pretty foggy, although one question was burning in my mind, “...Did you eat oranges today?”

“Huh? Oh, that’s just my mouthwash, heh.”, she chuckled nervously.

“Orange flavored mouthwash?”

“Yeah, I know it’s weird, but I don’t like the minty stuff.”

We laughed a little, taking a moment to catch our breaths, eventually I regained myself, “So... um... How did that feel? Did it seem weird or anything to you?”

She looked up for a moment, as if she was thinking about it, but the smile never left her face, “Hm... Nope, it was really good.”, she giggled.

I sighed in relief, “Good. Keep me updated on how you feel, okay?... I think communication is the key to this, yeah?”

“Okay... Um...”, she looked at me nervously, “Maybe we should do it again? So I could know more about how I feel.”

I knew she was lying, I had become wise from the bath towel incident, but in this moment I didn't mind it, “Yeah... Maybe we should.”

We shot each other a knowing look before locking our lips once more. This time her kiss wasn’t as soft, she pressed her entire body against mine, wrapping her legs around my waist and sitting upright. I could feel both our hearts beating intensely against each other’s chests, full of exhilaration.

This time when we broke off I didn’t have much time to recover before she pulled me in for another one, uh, oh… this wasn’t just kissing anymore. This was a make out. Alyssa was now trying to gain control but didn’t seem to know what to do with her lips, at first only giving me childish pecks on the lips over and over, I began to try and help her out, moving her lips with mine, open, close, release, open, close, release. She seemed to pick up on the rhythm rather quickly and began leading the way herself.

It gradually got more and more intense, she started to pick up the pace, she was now the dominant one, controlling the tempo and intensity. Feeling her body against mine, listening to her quickened breaths and whimpers of pleasure, I was fully giving in to her rhythm, to her, to everything I had been avoiding for years of my life.

I began to notice she was fidgeting around a lot, shifting around her hips on my lap as if she was uncomfortable, I was about to ask if she felt okay before I realized I could feel her rubbing her crotch against me ever so slightly as we kissed. _No way… There’s no way that she’s..._

My pants were beginning to tighten, I’ve always had pretty good control over my boner, even when cuddling and seeing her naked, it hadn’t really been an issue, but my body was starting to react from the intensity of the situation. I didn’t want to have that discussion with her yet, but in the heat of the moment not knowing what to do I hastily grabbed Alyssa’s butt firmly with one hand, lifting her up off my lap.

She gasped and stopped kissing to stare at me with shock, I had a brief “oh shit” moment as I realized what I had done. I had crossed another boundary. I didn't know if she gasped because her butt still hurt or if she was just shocked I touched her there in the first place. But before I had the chance to apologize Alyssa grabbed my face and pulled me in for another kiss, this one felt a bit more shaky, as if I had just excited her to a point where she wasn’t able to stay as controlled anymore.

I took advantage of her moment of weakness to gain dominance again, taking things back into the more passionate area, spreading her lips apart with mine and attempting to introduce some tongue, gently guiding her into more adult kissing to see how she would react.

I began to make small controlled figure-8 movements with my tongue against hers. She shuddered and tensed up for a moment, before relaxing and melting in my arms from the feeling, making a cute happy little noise as she hugged me tightly. She was getting really into it now, no longer fighting for control and instead letting me overpower her, quivering with excitement as I held her little tush tightly in my arm.

 _God, this is fucking awesome..._ I felt like I had been freed of so much weight holding me down for years, I was just letting go of all my worries and letting them flow over me like a river. For a brief moment in time, I truly felt nothing but love and peace. I hadn’t felt like this in a very long time. I felt like I could stay like this with her forever…

Suddenly, intrusive thoughts began to poke through my mind, _Forever... Huh...? Forever is a long time..._ _What will happen when we get older? What will happen if this becomes an actual relationship? I mean, she’s a kid. She may already think this is a relationship... Our age difference isn’t terribly large so when we hit our 20s it wouldn’t be so bad but... We’d have to hide for so long... What would happen if we got in a fight? What if we get caught?_

My peaceful feeling was quickly dashed as I felt the flames coming back once more, this time with a vengeance. Terrible thoughts began shooting through my mind, thoughts of her family, thoughts of my family, thoughts of how they’d react, disappointment, horror, rage. Thoughts of being met with overwhelming scorn, disgust, and opposition, thoughts of prison, prison food, prison rape, prison shankings. Thoughts of Alyssa, thoughts of her growing up without a normal childhood, thoughts of her realizing she doesn’t like me, thoughts of her hating me for what I’ve done to her.

 _What if she ends up hating me? What if she loves me? What if she’s in love with me? What if I don’t love her back? What if I hurt her?_ _I can’t— I-I can’t… This is wrong. This is WRONG. THIS IS WRONG._

I grabbed Alyssa’s shoulders and pushed her back a bit, “A-Alyssa, just... h-hold on one sec.”, I sputtered, my breathing was getting faster and I couldn’t control it. I lifted Alyssa off my lap and turned away from her, trying to get control of my anxiety.

“Alex…? Are you okay?”, Alyssa said, sounding concerned.

“Yeah, I just need a moment. I’m fine.”, I replied, trying to reassure myself as much as I was her, it wasn't working. “I’m fine… I’m fine...”

“Alex, you’re crying…”

I didn’t even realize it, but she was right, tears were streaming down my cheeks. My heart was pounding hard and fast in my chest. I felt so utterly terrified.

“Is it the scary feeling again?”, she asked.

I hesitated, “...Yeah… I’m so sorry, kiddo. I don’t mean to keep being like this with you...”

She walked on her legs up to me on the bed and hugged my waist awkwardly, mimicking the same back pats I do when trying to console her. “It’s okay…”

I didn't hug her back, it only would make me feel even more pathetic, _You’re supposed to be doing this for her._

“...Is this about the illegal thing?”, she asked.

“Yeah…”

“Are you scared of going to jail?”

“That’s part of it. But… I can’t really explain it to you right now. I’m so sorry… I’m so... so...”, I began to sob. Everything in my body hurt. My heart, my lungs. I felt such great guilt and shame that rivaled the worst pains I had ever felt in my life.

Alyssa didn’t respond for a while, she just looked like she was thinking while doing her best to comfort me, just stroking my hair and hugging me tightly while I cried. It only made me feel worse that I had to be supported by this 9 year old girl, only someone so innocent would support me in this situation. Any person who knew better would enjoy my tears. She was all I had now, and it was probably only due to pure childish ignorance on her part. She'd hate me too one day.

I felt ashamed, scared, confused. But more than anything, I felt so alone, so terribly alone, it was an utterly painful and suffocating feeling.

After what felt like an eternity, Alyssa finally broke the silence, “Hey, Alex?”

I sniffled, “...Yeah?”

“How’d you know about the butterflies...?”

I tensed up, “I... I just had a hunch.”

“Alex...”, she sighed.

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond. How could I respond? How could I possibly begin to tell her about this? How could I tell her I was one of the most despised types of people on the planet? How could I tell her that we could never be a normal couple?

As if to add insult to injury, immediately after I had that thought she asked a question, “...Do you get those feelings too?”, still sounding concerned but with a hint of intrigue.

“I...”, I sighed. “Yes...”

“And they scare you...”

“Yes...”

“Because you get them for me...?”

“...Yes...”

“And it’s illegal to like me because I’m young...”

I buried my face in my hands, this was so awful. Everything just felt awful.

She gently rubbed my back and spoke softly, “...It’s okay, y’know... I kinda had a feeling...”

“It’s just that... I’ve only ever gotten those feelings... for kids.”, I finally said it. There was no prettier way to put it. “And I’m scared because... in the future I don’t know if I will like you the same way because... I don’t know if I really like you or if... I just like kids, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Ah...”, she said solemnly. Suddenly, she looked shocked as if she just realized something, “Is that why you started babysitting?”, she asked, sounding a little nervous.

Wanting to avoid the worst case scenario, I got control of myself like my life depended on it and spoke sternly, “No. It’s nothing like that, your parents just offered me a lot of money.”

“You don’t wanna like... rape me...”

I was a bit relieved she knew what that was in the first place, but at the same time I was reeling internally at this conversation, I put on the most serious face I could, “No, I’d never do such a thing.”

She looked a little convinced for a moment, but then shot me a judgmental look, “You did grab my butt without asking...”

I began to freak out a little _,_ this was going bad real quick. I tried to keep myself calm, she knew what rape was, maybe she would understand if I told her about the... Oh boy...

I began to try and explain, “Yes, I did... Okay, um... How do I explain this...? I was trying to lift you off my lap because... When boys get excited... They um...” I scratched the back of my head nervously, “The... part... down there... It sorta reacts and...”

Alyssa looked at me confused for a moment before a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head, and she cracked a knowing smile, “Ohhh, I see.", she giggled with a sigh of relief, "Yeah, they taught us about that in school.”

I sighed, “Yeah... Sorry... I just didn’t know if you knew... and I didn’t want to have to explain it.”

Alyssa smiled mischievously, focusing her gaze onto my crotch, and pointed at the half chub bulge that was ever so slightly making an impression on my jeans, “I did that?”, she giggled.

“Hush.”, I quickly turned my hips away from the snickering child, now hugging me from behind.

She giggled immaturely some more before sighing, “So if you weren’t trying to do anything bad to me, why are you freaking out? I told you I’m not gonna tell anybody...”

“Well... The thing is... You said I wasn’t manipulating you and that’s great, but... Even if that is true, and even if I do figure out these feelings and I really like you back, we wouldn’t... be able to tell anybody... and... I’m worried about you not being able to live a normal childhood.”, my voice was getting shakier again. “I don’t wanna mess things up for you, and there’s just so many things here that could go wrong—”

“Please calm down...” she gently pleaded. “It’s okay... You’re not gonna hurt me...”

“I know, and you think that now but—”

“No, really it's okay. I don’t know how I feel either.”, Alyssa interrupted. “But things have been bad lately, and... you just feel...", she paused like she was trying to find the words before giggling and burying her face in my shoulder. "...You feel... awesome. You're one of the only people who have given me the butterflies.”

_One of the only...?_

I didn't have time to finish my thought before she continued, “But isn’t that why we’re doing this? That's what you keep talking about right?”, she sounded more reassuring than I expected. “You want me to figure out my feelings.”

“...Yeah, I guess...”

“And... I do wanna learn more about how I feel, it’s scary but...”, she smiled at me. “We could figure both of our feelings out, together.”

I looked at her, awestruck. She didn't seem as ignorant as I thought. I thought she would hate me the moment she knew what I was, but instead she was smiling that sweet smile of hers anyways, and in that moment I began to tear up again for another reason. Because I realized I did have someone. A beam of sunshine in my lonely hell.

Maybe hell was the place where I belonged, maybe I deserved to feel guilt and pain over these things. But in that moment, I didn’t care about what I deserved, I cared about what I wanted, and what I wanted was anybody I could be myself with. There was a chance it could go wrong, but in that moment I realized that person may just be staring me right in the face. I figured it was worth giving it a try.

I took a deep breath, wiping away my tears, “...Yeah, I’d like that”, I finally relaxed my body, sinking down to get some rest, using her lap as a pillow, “Thanks, kiddo... You’re the best.”

I felt her body bounce a bit excitedly, "Did I do it?!", she asked, now in a completely different, more enthusiastic tone of voice, "Did I do for you what you do for me?!"

I laughed a bit, "Yeah, you nailed it."

"Yay~", she cheered.

I was smiling now. She got in a bit cozier of a position, stroking my hair while I laid on her, she did a pretty good job holding me for her size, I just shut my eyes and let the healing feeling of her small soft hands comb through me.

“You’re pretty good at this.”, I complimented her.

“Thank you~”, she cooed with a happy sound to her voice, "You have really soft hair... Nice and long too..."

"Thanks, I try.", I do. I washed it extra nice in the shower before coming over here today. I typically don't get out much during the summer so I suppose I took the opportunity to do it up a bit.

She giggled and hummed happily as she stroked. She was clearly enjoying my vulnerability. Maybe she found it funny, maybe she found it cute. It was a little emasculating, but I've already cried in front of her, I didn’t really mind at this point. Suddenly, she spoke up again, “Y’know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you do like me.”, she teased.

“Why’s that?”

“You’ve been super nice to me all day, but you didn’t do it to kiss me or anything. Kissing me... hurts you.”, she said, still smiling but with a bit of a sad tone to her voice. “But you did it anyways, just to help me.”

I didn’t respond for a moment, feeling a little bad again, “It didn’t hurt me... I just... think too hard about things.”

“Mm... Okay...”, she said before shooting me a nervous look. “Then... How does this feel?”, she bent down and gave me a gentle upside-down peck on the cheek.

“Feels good.”, I smiled and chuckled.

“Yeah?”, she giggled, “Ya like that? You like being kissed by a little girl, creep?”, she teased while giving me a few more.

I laughed nervously, “Hey, don’t talk like that...”, I paused. “Little bit, though.”

We both chuckled, feeling silly, but then all of a sudden our eyes locked, Alyssa slowly bent down, I could tell her target wasn’t my cheek anymore, she got closer and closer until our lips were hesitantly brushing each other before finally kissing once more. This time it didn’t feel as playful. We were too worn out to be playing our little game of dominance anymore. It felt different, more serious.

Alyssa finally broke it off, “...That didn’t hurt?”

“Never.”

She smiled that adorable smile of hers, “Good.”, she gently lifted my head up and rested it on the pillow next to us, before turning around and laying down beside me.

We continued to gently kiss, giggling and smiling at each other all the while. It was getting late so I began to pull the covers up over us once more with that petite body draped across mine. I don’t remember when we stopped, my memory of the night just slowly gets blurrier as it goes on until it fades to black.

The next morning I was subjected to the harsh lesson that sleeping under heavy blankets with a little girl on your stomach and two sets of clothes isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, in fact it leads to awful fever dreams. As the daylight broke through the window my mind was nothing but feelings of discomfort, barely conscious and shifting around uncomfortably, unable to toss and turn to get comfortable because of a weight on my chest that I knew I had to protect.

After around 10 minutes of mindlessly cooking in the heat, I finally remembered where I was, groggily opening my eyes and looking down, expecting to see Alyssa sleeping, instead I was met with her gazing back at me.

“Morning, Alex~”, Alyssa sang gently with a soft smile on her face.

“Hey there, sweetheart.”, I gently patted her head. “How long have you been up?”

“Like 10 minutes, you sorta started to shuffle around and it woke me up.”

“Ah…”, I paused, remembering everything that happened last night. “So… Um… How do you feel?”

“I’m feeling pretty good. How about you?”

I paused, then smiled. “...I’m feeling pretty good too.”

“Yay~”, she cheered softly, before giving me a happy little smooch.

I ruffled her hair a little, “Ready for breakfast, snuggle-bug?”

“Yes!”, she exclaimed. “Could you carry me to the table though? I’m so tired from last night...”

I rolled my eyes and scooped up my little sweetheart in my arms. She yawned, hugging me tightly.

“Did you sleep okay?”, I asked as I carried her down the hall.

“Yeah.”, suddenly, a devilish grin spread across her face. “We’re all sweaty though. Maybe next time we’ll have to sleep naked.”

“Hush.”

“We may have to take a shower together to get clean. I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, pedo?”

I gritted my teeth, “Call me that again and you can make your own breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this one was a lot harder to write than I thought. Not for the same emotional reasons Chapter 4 was hard to write, at least not to the same extent (despite the touchy subject matter). I'm definitely never ever saying "oh yeah the next chapter will be out super soon" ever again.
> 
> A lot of people are following my social media at baraag now and I have to say how much I appreciate that. I'm thinking at 1000 followers I will do a Q&A so come on down! Until next time, thanks for reading as always.


	6. Lessons

All morning we could barely keep our hands off each other, well aware that we only had the rest of the day to do whatever we wanted, terrified we may never see each other again after the babysitting job was done. Whenever we weren’t eating or in the bathroom we were tightly intertwined, kissing, holding hands, and snuggling in every position possible. Completely indulging in our intimacy at any moment we could, the vigor of youth allowing us to restlessly continue on and on without end.

We were in the middle of a deep kiss on the couch, she was getting really into it, I was beginning to feel her hips grind against me a tiny bit like the night before, but all of a sudden she broke off and looked up at me sheepishly, “Hey... I wanna show you something in the basement. Could you carry me downstairs?”

I rolled my eyes, I had been carrying her everywhere all morning, “Okay, but can I carry you a different way?”. The bridal style carrying does become tiring after a while and loses the thrill, however Alyssa never seemed to get tired of it.

“What, you wanna lift me up by my butt again?”, she teased, poking my nose playfully.

“That’s enough of those kind of remarks out of you.”, I scolded, she’d been saying stuff like that all morning and I was getting tired of it. But suddenly, I had the idea to clarify some things I wasn’t entirely sure about. “How do you know about all that stuff anyways? You said your school taught you?”

“Hmm... Yep. Earlier this year in health class.”

“Jeez, they didn’t teach us about that stuff until the sixth grade.”

“Yeah, it was some weird new thing they were trying out this year. They put on an old video and it had a guy playing guitar in it and a bunch of drawings of private parts. It was weird.”, she giggled.

“Ah...”, I knew the exact tape she was talking about, I couldn’t believe they were still using those old VHS tapes for that stuff, “So, I gotta ask... What exactly do you know?”

“Mm... Well, there’s the penis and the vagina, and the penis makes the sperm which goes into the vagina and into the egg, and that makes a baby. But some people also do it for fun.”

“That's all they taught you?”

“That’s what I remember... They also talked about something called hew... huburt... pewder...”

“Puberty?”

“Yeah. Like your boobs get super big and stuff.”, she held out her hands in front of her chest cupping two imaginary breasts, I had to suppress my laughter. “And you bleed... down there.”, she scrunched up her face.

“That part sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah...”, suddenly, her eyes widened as if she just thought of something. “And they showed a drawing of a boy’s thingy!”, she exclaimed, pointing at me.

 _Yes, I have one of those too. I know,_ I thought to myself.

Her face scrunched up again, “I didn’t really get it how it works though.”

It didn’t occur to me that she may not know much about those parts. She was an only child, and I shared a room with a sister growing up. I was a bit used to getting a glance of the opposite sex when changing, which allowed my young mind to run wild with concepts of what it was for. So I sort of had an inkling of how things worked before sex ed which allowed my brain to sort of fill in the gaps the video didn’t explain.

I pondered for a bit before speaking up, “Well... Do you have any questions about it?”

She looked surprised, “You’d be okay with that?”

I could tell why she was skeptical, but I was feeling pretty warm and comfortable with her all cozied up in my lap at that moment. Plus, at the time my hubris told me I was smart enough to teach her better than those crappy tapes ever could.

I smiled at her and shrugged, “Yeah. Consider it a special after-school lesson."

Alyssa looked unsure, "I don't like school..."

"Well then... Think of it as a trust-building exercise. You can ask me anything you want.”

“Hmm...”, she pondered for a moment. “So in the tape they said the... penis.”, she whispered the last word, as if she hadn’t been saying dirtier things all morning. “They said it gets... excited and like... big? Does it... Does it come to life?”

“What?”

“Is it like a snake? Does it like wiggle it’s way up there?”

I burst out laughing for a moment as the mental image of a floppy penis wiggling around by itself entered my mind, before quickly regaining control of myself, “N-No... Uh... It’s like... It gets hard and the boy puts it in there. It doesn’t do it by itself.”

She made an “oh” motion with her mouth and looked off in the distance as if she was processing it “So that’s a... ect... eri...”

“Erection?”

“Yeah, that's it.”

I chuckled to myself a bit, “Yes. That’s what it’s called.”

"What's...", she hesitated. “What’s that like for girls?”

“Huh?”

“What’s like... a female erection?”

I was a bit confused by the question, but I sort of got what she was asking. “Well... It’s like... It gets wet. It sorta...”, I paused, feeling slight regret already at trying to have this conversation. "It makes itself wet so it's easier for the penis to go in."

“Huh...”, she paused for a moment, looking like she was thinking hard, “Does it feel like an itch?”

“What?”

“Like... when the girl part gets excited, does it feel like an itch...?", she looked away, seeming embarrassed. "Like you wanna rub it on something?”

“I... I mean, I wouldn’t know, I don’t have that part. I assume it's something like that.”

She looked a little frustrated, like there was a burning question in her mind that she just couldn’t verbalize. I was reminded of the way she gently rubs her hips against me when we kiss sometimes. I thought maybe that was just due to her hyper activity but maybe it was because of some funny feelings down there?

I decided that was a loaded topic and didn’t want to pursue it further. “Sorry, maybe I got a bit too confident. I can’t answer everything, but I can try my best. Do you have any more questions?”

She thought for a moment before speaking up, “How... How do you know when the sperm comes out? The videotape said sperm is like... really tiny... like microscopic, so how could you know? Do you just put it in and hope it comes out?”

“Uh... Well.”, I was beginning to regret getting so comfortable with her earlier, I didn’t want to explain what semen was to this child, I had to keep it from being too graphic, “They are microscopic but... There’s like a ton of them, and they come out all at once.”

"Is it like pee?", she made a grossed out face.

"No, not really... It's... It is like a liquid but... Uh...", I was really starting to lose my composure now. "...Thicker.", I quickly muttered.

She looked a little confused, but I think that got the point across, “So how do people do it for fun then if there’s so many? Wouldn’t that make them pregnant?”

 _They didn’t teach her about contraceptives_ _?!_ _What was the point_ _of the class_ _then_ _?!_

“Uh... I mean...”, I was just making out with this kid earlier, yet I was beginning to feel that I was overstepping some boundaries here.

Suddenly, she spoke up again. “Does sex hurt?”

“Well, it sorta depends—”

“Would we be able to have sex?”

“I mean— What?! One question at a time!”

“Can I see your penis?”

“Alyssa, please!”, I pinched my temple, flustered and frustrated.

“You said I could ask you anything!”, she pouted.

“I... did say that, didn’t I?”, I sighed. “...People have sex for fun by using things to prevent pregnancies. They’re called contraceptives.”

“...What are they like?”

“Ah... Well... The most popular kind is a rubber thing that...”, I scrunched up my face, bracing for impact. “They wrap around the penis.”

That smug grin of hers slowly spread across her face and she snickered a little, “Like a glove?”

“Yes, hush. The other most popular kind is pills women can take to make it less likely they get pregnant.”, I remembered how her face scrunched up when she talked about periods earlier and wanted to give her some peace of mind about that. "They can also be used to make that bleeding thing not as bad, by the way."

“Whoa, you can do that?”

“Yep. Science is cool, huh?”, I chuckled. I felt like my armchair health lesson was going pretty well once more, so I decided to try and clarify things a bit further for her, “As for your second question, yes, sex can hurt. Especially when it’s someone’s first time... Which is part of the reason the answer to your third question is no.”

Her grin turned to a pout, “Whyyy?”, she whined.

“Listen, sex is just... a whole different ballpark for relationships.”, I sighed. “Kissing was already pretty risky for us, but I’d go to jail for a very very long time if anyone found out we were having sex.”

She frowned and dug her head into my chest, I wasn’t going to cave to her this time though. I kept my voice stern, “Plus, it might really hurt you, and I mean that this time. It could really mess you up, not just emotionally, but physically it could genuinely do some damage. You haven’t hit puberty yet. Your body isn’t... developed enough...”

No response. She gripped my shirt, a move that has weakened me substantially in the past. Still, I wasn’t going to budge.

I placed my fingers under her chin and gently lifted her face up, she looked away from me, “Kissing is nice, feels good for both of us, right? It’s pretty a pretty neat thing. But sex is like... It’s one of the most intense and dangerous things people who like each other do. It can go very wrong in so many different ways, mentally, physically...”

Still no response. She was avoiding eye contact with me, and I could see tears building under them, her glasses magnifying her puppy eyes. Still, I wasn't going to give in to this stuff anymore. If this relationship... or friendship... or whatever the hell this was, if it was going to work I had to learn to set boundaries.

I began to speak more gently, “Hey, look at me. You and me, we’re really something special, yeah?”, I felt her body tense, still avoiding eye contact but with visible cracks in her stubborn silent protest, I had hit a weak point, I had to keep pushing. “We have a very unique relationship here, and I really love what we have. I don’t wanna risk it on some cheap thrills that could be really bad for you anyways. This little thing we got? It deserves better than that, okay?”

Finally, she looked at me and smiled a tiny bit. “Okay...”, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t proud of my ability to charm her in that moment. I took a mental note that she responds well to that caring tone.

“There’s that smile.”, I ruffled her hair a little bit and gave her a kiss, “Let’s see if I can get some more. You wanted to show me something in the basement?”

“Yes!”, she perked up. “Let me give you the official tour. Carry me!”

I groaned and scooped her up in my arms once more, “You don’t usually do a tour and have to carry the guide around.”

“This is a special tour!”

I rolled my eyes as I carried her towards the staircase I had seen earlier in the kitchen, “I miss yesterday when you were bouncing across the house all by yourself.”

“Yeah, I dunno...”, she nestled her head into the side of my chest. “I just feel calmer with you.”

I felt my heart flutter a bit, she was beginning to have a serious effect on me. We finally reached the flight of stairs residing at the far wall of the kitchen, I let Alyssa down at the edge. She looked up at me confused.

“I’m not carrying you down a flight of stairs. Safety first.”

She began to pout again.

“But I’ll hold your hand.”

Right back to smiling as I grabbed her hand, “I was hoping I’d get through the whole day without walking.”, she giggled.

“Oh, my poor little princess. How will you ever survive?”, I groaned sarcastically.

“I like it when you call me that, y’know.”, she giggled.

“You are one snarky little—”, I didn’t have time to finish my sentence as I reached the bottom of the stairs and my eyes widened.

The basement looked way better than the cold dingy basement of my house. It was wide and evenly lit with warm carpeted flooring. There was another rather good looking TV surrounded by comfy looking couches and large speakers, it looked like it was set up for sports events. Maybe there were Jones Family Super Bowl parties or something?

As I walked further into the room I noticed behind the couches was a small but fancy-looking bar with various drinks I was too young to identify. There was what looked like some sort of pool table pressed against the wall, but longer and thinner.

“C’mon! Let me show you something...”, she tugged on my arm and began leading me down a hallway at the far end of the room. I kind of assumed it would just lead to closets and bathrooms so I was a little intrigued to see what she had to show me.

She opened the door at the end of the hall to reveal... a bathroom. It was fairly standard. There was a toilet, a sink, and oh I don't know... just a gigantic tub that took up half the room. 

“Holy...”, I stared in awe. _Is that a hot tub or a bathtub?!_

“I know, cool right!”, Alyssa exclaimed. “Do you wanna get in with me?”

“With you?”, _Oh, it’s a hot tub._ “I didn’t bring my bathing suit.”

She stared at me mischievously for a few moments, eyeing my body up and down. _Oh shit, it’_ _s_ _a bathtub._

“Alyssa... I already told you we can’t—”

She immediately rolled her eyes, “It’s nothing like that! We wouldn’t be touching or anything. But we’re both still pretty sweaty from yesterday and... You never answered question 4...”

“The answer is no! Obviously!”, I laughed.

“Wh—?!”, her smile immediately turned to a harsh scowl. “Oh, come on! At least think about it first.”

“Sorry. Not happening.”

“Whyyy—”

“Oh, no. Don’t you try that with me again. At this point, I feel like we both know I have pretty good reasons to not want to be naked in a room with you. It's a slippery slope.”

She looked at me annoyed, “You’re no fun.”

I scoffed, “You are so spoiled. I have been kissing you and carrying you around, treating you like royalty all day, and now I’m no fun because I have no interest in exposing myself to a little girl.”

She huffed, “Fine. I’m getting in.”

“You do that.”

“There’s a minifridge under the bar with soda, Dad said you could help yourself.”, she muttered, even in defeat she was a sweetheart.

“You should’ve told me earlier.”, I chuckled, patting her head. “Thank you.”

“Whatever”, Alyssa grunted, shutting the door with a bit of force in frustration.

I shook my head and laughed to myself a bit, bewildered, before turning away and making my way to the bar. I grabbed myself a cola from the minifridge and stood up, admiring the look of it. It had a rustic feel to it, there were some modern touches like a glass top covering a pattern of various bottlecaps from different drinks that were rather hypnotizing. But overall it looked like something you might see in a...

A lightbulb went off in my head, _That co_ _uld_ _... But_ _we’d_ _have to do it right_ now.

Before I could even think I was rushing down the hallway again, I reached the bathroom at the end of the hall and frantically knocked on the door, “Alyssa!”

There was no response for a few seconds, and before I could react the door swung open revealing Alyssa, once again wrapped in a towel, with her hands on her hips and a smug expression on her face, “Well, well, well. Did you change your mind?”

“No!”, I yelled defensively, my body tensing up at the sight of how bare she was. “I just... I think I just thought of a way to guarantee that I’ll be your babysitter again.”

Her smug voice immediately went away and turned to one of disbelief, “Really?”

“Yes, really. But you’re gonna need to put on some clothes, and get your cowgirl toys.”

“Okay! Be right out.”, she paused for a moment before smiling and slightly opening her towel. “You sure you don’t wanna take a quick peek?”

“What? Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“Really, now?”

“Yes, really!”, my voice cracked. I felt my face growing incredibly hot. “We have to do this soon so please just—”

“Then why are you hard right now?”

I realized the tension in my body I was feeling wasn’t just stress, and quickly darted my eyes down to my pants and back up.

“Well... I... I just...”

Alyssa burst out laughing and finally had mercy on me, shutting the door. I stood there digging my hand into my face, feeling horribly embarrassed. I just kept hearing her giggling from beyond the door.

After a good minute she came out from the bathroom, fully clothed.

“One more lesson.”, I grunted at her as I grabbed her hand to start walking back upstairs. “Boys can’t control when they get hard like that. It’s a biological response to heat and various... stimulations. So try and ignore it if I ever get one when we’re kissing and stuff, okay?”

She rolled her eyes and snickered, “Whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take a short comedic break this chapter after all the tears. This one is slightly personal, all of Alyssa's misconceptions about sex are ones I had when I was around her age, also growing up an only child. I thought it would hopefully make a cute and funny chapter.
> 
> I have the rest of The First Job planned out now, and I can't wait to share what's coming up with you guys, I have a lot planned. So be sure to follow me on baraag, place those bookmarks, and stay tuned!
> 
> I've also set up a Monero wallet if you want to make an anonymous donation to help keep me going. I'd put a simple PayPal or Bitcoin address but I don't wanna reveal my identity. The wallet is in my bio here and on baraag. Monero is available on almost any crypto exchange and at many crypto ATMs. Donations are appreciated but never necessary. 
> 
> But I'll stop e-begging now. Thanks for reading!


	7. Gunslinger Al

I cursed the giant television I had been admiring earlier as I reached around blindly in the dark dusty area behind it, blindly pressing the HDMI cord against the back, searching desperately for a port. Why did the Jones family have to set this thing up in such a way that it felt impossible to connect anything to it?

As I squinted my eyes, trying to discern what was what, I heard Alyssa's footsteps coming up the stairs, through the kitchen, and eventually up behind me, before I felt her arms wrap around my shoulders and her cheek press against mine as she held a flashlight out in front of me, "I brought it!". 

"Well look at you, my little helper.", I smiled and took it from her hand. "Thank you very much."

"Yes, sir!", she exclaimed before playfully kissing my cheek and getting back up.

I laughed, "Please never call me sir again. Makes me feel old."

"I mean... You kinda look like an older man right now. Hunched over workin' on your tech thingies, like a dad.", she giggled.

I groaned, "Please stop."

Flashlight now in hand, I quickly located a port and finally felt the satisfying click of the end of the cable plugging in. The TV beamed to life, my laptop screen mirrored across it's ginormous display. I was slightly nerding out connecting my computer to such a huge screen. But I resisted the urge to play video games on it, knowing we'd waste time and not be ready when they got here. I opened the media player and queued up the video file.

Alyssa spoke up again, though this time she was quieter than before, "So, you like doing all this techy stuff, huh? You got a cool laptop and a fancy phone..."

I turned around from the laptop, she had her hands behind her back like she was nervous. I looked at her confused, "Ah, yeah. It's a bit of a hobby of mine."

"You know how I said... my parents don't really let me go on the computer and stuff?", she looked at me sheepishly with her head tilted down, giving her begging puppy dog eyes, and I realized where she was going with this.

I laughed a little and looked at her knowingly, "Do you wanna use mine sometime, Alyssa?"

"Yes, thank you so much!", her body relaxed. I was surprised she seemed so anxious about that of all things.

"Y'know you can ask me anything, right?", I laughed. "You don't have to act like that."

"I know, just...", she sighed. "My parents get mad when I ask about it..."

"Ah...", I sighed. Realizing it may be a sore subject for her. "Well, I'm not your parents. You can use mine. But you're gonna have to wait till next time. I gotta have this ready to go for when your parents get here. This laptop takes a million years to load.", That wasn't true, it was a damn good laptop. I would just have to make her a separate user so she couldn't find all my porn.

She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, dad."

I reeled back before quickly regaining control of myself, getting up, and aggressively ruffling her hair, "Never call me that again or you'll lose your computer privileges just as fast as you gained them, young lady."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry.", she giggled. "Seriously though, thank you so much.", she hugged me.

"Anytime, kiddo.", I gave her hair a little pet before lifting her up in my arms and carrying her over to the couch for another snuggle session. I felt her tiny body relax in my arms, she let out a big yawn. It had been a busy day for the both of us.

"You gonna fall asleep? I want you to be awake for our little project, y'know."

"Mm...", she brought her tired face in closer. "Kiss me then.", she demanded before puckering up her lips and moving in.

I laughed and held her chin back with my thumb so she couldn't attack me, "If I keep kissing you I'm gonna spoil you. You're not gonna like being kissed anymore."

She giggled, I could feel her breath against my lips. "Well then I'm gonna fall asleep."

I sighed, "You don't wanna watch a movie or something?"

"Nope... Just you...", she whispered. Her lips were nanometers away from me but I could practically hear the teasing grin in her voice, shivers shot down my spine at her soft young voice, and in that moment I knew she had won.

"Okay.", I whispered back breathlessly, as soon as it left my lips we connected for what had to be the hundredth time today.

She had gotten really good at kissing by this point, we were very in tune with each other's rhythm and had a comfortable level of intensity we had wordlessly agreed on while experimenting with each other. I'd only known her for a few days, yet I already felt so in tune with her, more than I had felt in previous relationships spanning entire months.

We broke off, "How do you feel now?", I asked.

"Hmm...", she put her finger to her chin and looked up, thinking. "I feel sleepier."

I laughed, "See? You get sick of it when you do it all the time."

She laughed back before snuggling me tighter, "I don't think I could ever get sick of it. You just make me feel calm...", she paused and pondered for a moment, "...Y'know, there is something you could do..."

"...What would that be?", I asked, nervously. She always took that tone of voice when she was about to start asking to push our boundaries.

"Y'know... When you grabbed my butt earlier...?"

"Uh-huh...", I knew where she was going with this but my mind was too foggy with heat to protest.

She moved in closer, her beckoning whispers now directly in my ear, "That made me feel all... excited... Like it made my heart go really fast.", she let out a small childish giggle that teased my ear. "I think it would wake me up..."

I sighed, "Alyssa... You know we can't..."

"Oh, c'mon...", she sighed. "It's okay to touch it...", she moved her rear back a bit on my lap, pressing it against the hand I was firmly gripping against my leg, trying to resist the temptation. "Boys like this part, right?"

"Alyssa, please..."

She was beginning to sound more frustrated, "I have pants on... We're kissing already... It's not weird...", she paused. "And it felt really nice..."

My hands were twitching. Part of me really wanted to, I had been intentionally keeping my hands above the belt all weekend, and now she wanted more, but I had to keep our boundaries stable. 

Regardless, Alyssa continued to beckon me in a shockingly seductive whisper, her hot breaths against my ear labored from excitement. "C'mon, I know you wanna do it... You like butts like mine, right?"

My breathing was beginning to become heavier, she was searching for cracks in the already crumbling wall I had set up between us, and it was about to come tumbling down if she didn't stop.

"It's okay... to like this", she pressed her rear into my hand a bit more, my grip coming undone, and my hand halfway on her rear.

I was just about to give when I heard the door down the entryway fly open, snapping me out of my trance. It startled me, but it must've startled Alyssa worse because she practically flew off my lap into the air and landed on the couch seat next to me.

After my shock passed I began quietly snickering to myself at Alyssa's mortified expression, "Awake now?", I whispered.

"Shh!", she demanded, sitting perfectly upright stiff as a board with her hands in her lap all lady-like and a nervous smile on her face. She was trying to look normal, but coming from her that pose looked too normal.

A familiar voice rang out, "Helloooo! We're hooome!". It was Jake.

"Hi Daddy! Hi Mommy!", Alyssa yelled out. Her voice a little shaky from the start she had been given but doing her best to hide the fear in her voice. Her face however was a dead give away.

I patted her on the back and gave her a smile, "It's okay, relax.". She seemed to loosen up a bit and the embarrassment on her face faded to a good extent. I was glad she was taking the fact we had to keep our little relationship a secret seriously, but she'd have to work on her pokerface.

I couldn't blame her though, I was also a little shaken up. They were home early, and I wasn't sure if our little plan to keep me as her babysitter was going to work.

I decided to buy her some time to calm down before they walked in, putting on my best fake smile and going down the hall to meet the parents at the door.

I turned the corner and at the entryway I saw Jake and a woman around his age. She was wearing a rather fancy haltertop dress. It was long and red, looked like silk. It caught me off guard. It was jarring next to Jake's rather unassuming businessman-like appearance. She wasn't paying attention to me, checking her phone. I figured this must be Mrs. Jones.

"Hey! How was your trip?", I tried my best not to look nervous and appear friendly.

"Pretty good...", Jake replied, to my surprise he seemed a bit nervous. Eyeing me up as if he was expecting something. "How were things here?"

"Pretty good, actually.", I smiled.

Jake looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah, we went down to the park, watched some movies. It was pretty nice."

"Wow!", Jake exclaimed. "I'm glad to hear that. Isn't that great, honey?"

The fancy looking woman looked up from her phone confused, "Huh? Oh!", she quickly smiled. "Yeah!", before looking back down at her phone. She seemed tense. Like there was important business happening on that phone, even after she just got back from a vacation.

"Yeah, we actually made a little something today... We'd like you to come check it out."

They both looked at each other with wide eyes, not knowing what to make of this. I guess they were expecting a more glaring review considering Alyssa's history with babysitters. They followed me down the hall to the living room.

Alyssa looked a bit more calm when I made it back in, I could tell she was a little nervous but it wasn't noticeable if you weren't looking for it. I gave her a thumbs up, she smiled a little.

"Yeah so, I hope you don't mind. I learned Alyssa likes western movies, and I also learned I like western movies because we watched some.", I chuckled. "And... We were downstairs and she was telling me how you guys said I could help myself to the soda at the bar, and while I was there. I couldn't help notice how much it reminded me of like an old western bar. So we decided to make a little short film."

Jake was now smiling ear to ear hearing this. Mrs. Jones just looked slightly annoyed, "Oh, those western movies.", she muttered under her breath. "They're awfully violent."

"Well, I hope you'll enjoy it regardless.", I walked over to the laptop and pressed play on the media player before quickly running back to the couch and sitting next to Alyssa, her embarrassment had completely faded in favor of a look of excited plastered across her face. I brought a blanket over the both of us, snuggling up with her to watch our work in action.

The video started with an old timey looking title card with the words "GUNSLINGER AL" in all caps along with an old timey film filter that made it look all grainy and deteriorated. Stock effects that came with my video editing software, but I only had a day, so stock effects were as good as I was going to get.

Now, I'm a bit of a film geek, and my favorite thing is shot composition. Though I may have gone a bit overboard with this short film I was making with a 9 year old. The title card cut to a closeup shot of a drink in a glass at the bar.

I leaned over and whispered to the parents, "That's cola by the way, just to ease your mind."

That got a laugh out of the both of them. The mother seemed to be loosening up a bit with curiosity.

A hand reaches down and grabs the drink, cut to a wide shot of me sitting at the bar, hunched over, drinking my cola. I had a sepia tone filter over the entire thing, I was hoping all these effects may make it harder to tell that it was filmed in a carpeted basement. Of course, my audience knew that. But personally, I was proud of the effect it had on the overall look of the movie with the short time we had to put it together and the rather unprofessional set.

Directing and camerawork is hard when you have only two people on your crew who are also the only two actors, but somehow we were having so much fun that we managed to pull it off without a hitch. Alyssa walked into frame, only her back in view, I did give her a mark, and she followed it pretty well. Leading to a great shot where she was slightly out of frame and out of focus, overpowering my character on screen.

"Alex Adams?", her voice speaks out.

That shot... took too long to setup. So the rest of them are a lot simpler. But it made for an amazing opening I'm proud of to this day.

Another cut and Gunslinger Al was revealed, she didn't have a full cowgirl outfit so she just wore the hat, a T-shirt, and some jeans, with her revolver stuffed in her pocket to act as a makeshift holster. The camera was pulled low, I'd like to say it was to illustrate she was a powerful cowgirl who intimidated those who faced her. But in reality, it was something I came up with on the fly to hide the furniture behind her, as I didn't think a comfy modern couch and TV setup would fit in an old western bar.

"Been hearing you've been causin' some trouble 'round these parts.", Al remarked in her adorable phony texan accent.

Cut back to me, still hunched over, doing my best tastefully drunk cowboy impression. "Well, if it ain't Gunslinger Al."

"You mind telling me why you're alone at this here bar?"

"I dunno. I like bein' alone. Not my problem those around me choose to comply."

"Because you caused a ruckus, threatenin' 'em and drivin' 'em out."

"Hey, little missy. Don't you go saying accusatory thangs. I'll drive you out too.", I flashed the gun, also in my pocket. We both had to use the same gun prop, and the orange tip was also partially why I made it sepia and hid the gun from fully being out for most of the movie.

"Don't you go threatenin' me.", Al remarked. Not dropping her superior tone for a moment.

"Or what?"

"You knew my name.", I was super proud of how I wrote her, mysterious and intimidating as all hell. I may have been giving my little friend a bit of a cowgirl power fantasy with how little she's challenged in this film. But I figured the external tension would make up for the lack of internal struggle.

As Jake and Mrs. Jones stared at the screen in disbelief, I looked to the side to see Alyssa, also smiling but with a slight sad look on her face. She knew I would be leaving soon, no more kisses, no more hugs, for who knows how long.

I took another look at her parents, their eyes were transfixed on the screen. I patted her back gently. She looked at me with a bittersweet smile on her face.

"We had a lot of fun.", I whispered to her.

"I know. It's just... hard...", she whispered back.

I kept my hand on her shoulder, contemplating what I could do. There was one thing, oh how I knew there was one thing. I couldn't kiss her without them seeing, I couldn't snuggle up to her any more than we already were without it seeming too weird, but there was one thing I could do...

I looked down to the blanket covering us, and looked back at Alyssa's parents, making sure I was absolutely safe to pull this insane stunt I was about to do, and I brought my arm down a tiny bit. I felt Alyssa's body tense at the motion, she looked at me with a look of disbelief across her face, with a slight hint of an excited smile.

I moved my hand down slowly, down her back, past her waist, her body responded, pushing into my hand, until it finally reached her rear end, and I cupped her right butt cheek with my right hand firmly, and I scooched her closer to me to hide my arm, the blanket covering our lower bodies, masking our dangerous stunt convincingly. I was grabbing this little girl's ass right next to her parents, it would mark the start of us discovering our exhibitionist sides.

Her butt was tiny, but felt nice and round. I was able to get a good grip on it, it was a powerful and exhilarating feeling. Alyssa leaned against me to further hide my arm, her face bright red and a huge silly grin plastered across her face. I could feel her breathing heavily with excitement.

"Happy now?", I whispered.

"Yes.", she whispered back, giggling.

Suddenly, in a moment that nearly made my heart stop. Mrs. Jones looked back at us and smiled. Just seeing two friends giggling at a homemade movie movie. But in reality, there was a mischievous secret brewing just underneath the blanket.

I began to pay attention to the movie again, Al and Alex were now in a full on confrontation. Alex was stood up, drunkenly stumbling around with his hand on his holster, cut to Al, same shot, same pose, calm, cool, collected.

Then finally, for the first time in the movie, a wide shot of the two of them on opposite ends of the bar. I was facing the right, so the lack of gun in my "holster" was hidden by my hip obscuring my hand. I make a slight twitch and before I'm able to do anything, the sheriff draws and fires, a stock gun sound effect ringing out as I cheesily fly backwards from the impact. 

I had to do some speed adjustment and rotoscoping to get the timing just right, but I saw the parents flinch and gasp when it happened, Jake let out a shocked laugh, and I knew I had done my job.

Finally, a shot of me lying on the ground on my side, my gun still undrawn, she comes over to inspect it, carefully pulling it out of my pocket. A close up shot of the gun is finally shown, and the sepia tone fades to full color, the orange tip now in full view.

Finally, a close up shot of the sheriff's face. "It's not real?", she whispered to herself.

Another wide shot of the bar.

Roll credits.

The parents exploded in laughter and applause, the full thing was only around 2 minutes long, but I was incredibly proud of it, we spent all day tirelessly creating it, and that wow ending was just the cherry on top. It was an idea that had been brewing in my mind ever since that first night, a way to neatly tie a story all up. You gotta have a wow ending.

"Oh my God! You just made that today?!", Jake exclaimed.

"Yes we did, we had the idea last night when she showed me the cowboy stuff she had and I like making videos so we just rolled with it.", I explained.

"It was really fun. He showed me how to like make shots look good and I got to see him edit stuff...", Alyssa added.

"Yeah, we had a pretty good time.", I added. This was going really smooth, in reality it was a bit of an anxious experience making this film.

"The ending was a little morbid, don't you think?", Mrs. Jones asked.

"What? I dunno, I thought it was sorta silly. He tried to pull a toy gun on a sheriff.", I said, admittedly a bit too defensively. I was proud of my silly movie we made in a day.

Mrs. Jones shrugged.

"Y'know Alex", Jake spoke up. "I have some connections to a local college that does video production stuff. We could help get you into some classes. You seem to have a talent for this stuff."

"Well, I couldn't have done it without my little lead actress.", I reached back and patted Alyssa's head, she giggled.

"I can't believe you were able to direct the little rascal.", Jake chuckled.

I looked back at Alyssa, there was a hint of sadness on her face with that statement, "Yeah, well. We get along pretty good, which helps a lot.", I smiled at her, her sad expression softened a bit.

"You liked babysitting her, then?", he asked, doing his best to hide his nervousness asking the question.

"Yeah, it went pretty smooth. We had fun."

"Well, I'm really glad to hear it.", he sighed, relieved. "Uh, so how do you wanna be paid? You got any sorta digital...?"

"Yeah, I got a PeiPal. Is there a... piece of paper or something...?"

"In the office next to the bathroom down the hall."

"Okay, thanks.", I quickly walked over to the hallway and went into the office.

"So you had fun, Alyssa?", I could hear Jake from inside. "Seems like you two get along well."

"Yes! Best babysitter ever!", I heard Alyssa giggle. I didn't agree at all with that sentiment but it made me smile a little.

"Well, we'll have to hire him again, huh?", Jake happily exclaimed. I silently fist pumped. I had secured my next job.

I wrote down my payment information and walked back out.

"Here you go.", I handed the sheet of paper to Jake, and began to pack up my laptop and other things I had brought in my backpack.

"Alright! Well— Oh, you think we could get a copy of the movie?", Jake asked.

I winced, realizing I hadn't thought of that, "Oh, shoot. Do you have any burnable DVDs?"

"Ah, I don't think so."

"Well, I have some at home. Just keep in touch, I'll bring it over in a couple days.", I suddenly realized I had an opportunity. "And if you want I could bring Alyssa to the park or out to dinner or something."

Alyssa's eyes widened from behind her parents before an excited grin spread across her face.

"Wow, you'd do that?", Jake looked surprised.

"Yeah, I could take the little rascal off your hands for a little while.", I smiled at her, she snickered a little.

"That sounds great.", Jake said. "I'll keep in touch."

"Okay", I leaned over and looked at Alyssa, "I'll see you then, kiddo."

She smiled warmly, and I made my exit.

Much like the first time I left the Jones' house, I was practically skipping with excitement down the street in the moonlight back to my house, although this time as I reached the end of the block I began to feel a little... weird.

I slowly began to feel nauseous, something felt wrong. My walking slowed, I felt something take over my body, and before I knew it I was on the curbside keeled over puking on the side of the street.

I knew why, the bad thoughts were back. I had just tricked a family into letting me spend more time with a little girl I was messing around with behind their backs. We tirelessly made a short film purely to ensure that they thought I was the best babysitter ever, while in reality I was manipulating them. I had become everything I feared. I felt like such a piece of shit.

_Such a piece of shit..._

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I quickly whipped it out. A text, it was from Jake's number.

"thank u. i cant wait to see u again! :) -Alyssa."

Attached was a selfie of Alyssa shooting a peace sign with that sweet grin across her face. I felt my heart skip a beat and the burn of my guilt slightly fade. I pursed my lips together in a half-smile, filled with feelings I didn't understand. I wiped the vomit off my lips, and I began to slowly trudge my way back to my house. Regardless of how I was feeling, I had a DVD to burn, and a dinner date to prepare for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we've finally reached the end of the first weekend! This isn't actually where The First Job ends, when we get there... well, you'll know when we get there.
> 
> Life has been a lot busier lately and it's becoming harder to crank out chapters like I've been doing, as you could probably tell. So I'm gonna shout-out another story to hold you guys over. This story was a major inspiration for Taboos, and I've been silently dropping nods to it throughout the story. But I realize it's probably pretty obscure, so I should probably give it a bit of a shout-out. It's a naughty yet heartfelt incest story from 4chan simply titled "Rob's Story". user737.bplaced.net/greentext/robs-story/
> 
> It is what really gave me the push to try and make an age difference/lolicon story with some heart, character, and drama to it, rather than being pure smut. It's a very long greentext epic spanning over 100,000 words. Considering the anonymity of 4chan I was a bit hesitant to post it here in case it's actually real. But considering it follows such a story-like structure with character arcs, so many clear setups and satisfying resolutions, I'm 99.9% sure it's fiction, and it's a damn fine work of internet fiction at that, if crudely written.
> 
> In other news, I've asked ao3 if I'm allowed to put creative commons licenses on my works, considering they have no copyrighted characters, so that any of you could essentially share or adapt my works in any way you please, as long as "inklover" is credited somewhere as the original creator. I haven't gotten a response yet, but if the answer is yes I'll add the license to the beginning of the story. 
> 
> For now, thanks for reading as always.


End file.
